


Follow Every Rainbow

by hellotweetygirl



Category: SHINee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Music, Alternate Universe - Nanny, Angst, Cute Kids, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Family, Family Fluff, Family Issues, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, Past Character Death, Romance, SHINee Big Bang 2017, Second Chances, Slice of Life, long fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2019-01-17 02:15:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12355377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellotweetygirl/pseuds/hellotweetygirl
Summary: Minho didn't know what he was more unprepared for- the new nanny Kim Gwiboon tumbling into his life, or, being railroaded into helping idol Kim Jonghyun write his next hit song.  Either way, a change had arrived in his life and he was going to have to figure out a few things about himself, his family, and what was in his future.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was my contribution for SHINee Big Bang 2017!  
> 
> 
> It was originally conceived as a little fic idea after I was watching Kibum's insta live back somewhere in March/April where he talked about how "The Sound of Music" was his favorite musical growing up. Being a lover of musicals as well it didn't take long for this to grow into a full-blown idea and develop into this monster! So much for a little 10k fic lol! The title is taken from one of the songs in the movie, "Climb Every Mountian".  
> 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who voted for this story during SBB! A big thanks also goes out to onthighsbelongtotaemin for the emotional support during the writing process; and a huge thanks to shinyaqua/seasofloops for her faithful beta of this fic at the end.

Minjung nudged Junghee sharply with her hip shoving the younger girl out of the way as she bent to look through the doorway that spilled a sliver of sunlight into the hallway. Junghee pinched her elbow in retaliation, and Minjung felt the identical pinch echoing on her right arm as Eunsook put in her two cents on the matter as well. Minjung glared at them both and made a cutting motion across her throat in warning. They were on a secret mission and they couldn’t mess this up. She didn’t want to get caught and be scolded by Uncle Jinki- again. As Minjung knelt at the door, the other two girls took up their positions as lookouts.

Soft chubby arms wrapped around Minjung’s neck from behind, choking her. She grabbed at them, pulling the small boy around and into her lap.

“Taeminnie,” she whispered, “you were supposed to stay upstairs!”

The boy shook his head insistently in the negative.

“You have to be quiet and not make a sound then okay?”

The head bobbed solemnly.

Minjung again put her eye to the door and watched her father pace the floor in his study. Uncle Jinki sat sprawled out on the couch in the room. The two were arguing _again._ About “the children”- _again._

Minjung sighed. 

Two days ago they had dispatched their latest nanny after a delightful incident with a packet of Kool-Aid (or possibly six, but really, who’s counting?) and a bottle of apparently _expensive_ shampoo. She and her siblings couldn’t have been more thrilled.

Now however, Uncle Jinki was poking his nose in it again, telling daddy that there would be a new nanny here by lunch. _Just fantastic._ Minjung rubbed her nose with the back of her hand and leaned against the doorframe cradling Taeminnie in her arms. When were people just going to leave them alone and let daddy come back to them?

Silently she rose and put Taeminnie on his own feet –he was far too heavy for her to carry any distance these days. With a motion to her sisters, they all snuck away without a word. These days, the Choi sisters did their talking with actions.

 

~~  
Minho sunk into the leather chair that faced the couch and feebly kicked at Jinki’s foot dangling off the edge of the red monstrosity. Early morning sunlight streamed through the picture window behind the couch and blinded him momentarily. He squinted into the harsh light and almost dared it to blind him. After all, how could a little thing like light hurt him now after everything?

“Why on earth did you tell him that I would do it?”

“Because you’re going to do it.”

“I am not going to do it.”

“You will if you want to keep your career alive and food on the table for those children of yours. You can’t live off of royalties forever Minho.”

“Ye-”

“No.” Jinki sat up and looked Minho dead in his eyes. “No. I watched you flush your first career down the toilet, I’m not going to watch you do it again to your second. You will take this job. You will write music and lyrics again. And you will go on Kim Jonghyun’s “Love is So Nice Tour” and hold his hand as he _experiences the feeling of loving in the moment_ –whatever the hell that means. You’re going to do it because at the end of this _love tour_ you will have a sizeable check in your bank account and a number one hit playing on every radio across the country. Kim Jonghyun is an all-kill Minho, what comes out of his mouth doesn’t matter. He can do no wrong in the eyes of the public. You want your song coming out of his mouth. You need it. You’re doing it.”

Minho sat with his arms crossed, his legs in a similar pose, stiff and unyielding as he stared right back at Jinki. His jaw twitched and he ground his teeth silently, rebelling against his manager’s edict. The air between them was getting more tense as the seconds passed in their silent standoff.

Minho was tired of Jinki making him do things he didn’t want to do. He did not wish to be babysitting a budding lyricist who wanted to _collaborate_ as he took his fangirls and fanboys on a country-wide feelings tour. What did a man like Jonghyun know about feelings anyway? Nothing. Nothing that could possibly matter. Not in the face of all the feelings that still churned in Minho’s gut and made his veins and his heart like ice. Any man who thought love was _nice_ was tragically mistaken. 

Minho stood suddenly, breaking the standoff. “Fine. Do it. Whatever. I don’t care.”

“I already did.”

Minho glared at the man he used to call his best friend.

“And you’re going to have to care soon because Jonghyun will be joining us for lunch today. He said he wanted to get to know your soul before he journeys ahead with it.”

Minho’s glare intensified.

Jinki just threw up his hands and shrugged. “Don’t look at me! I’ve never claimed to understand the people who hire me and I never will. You artist people are an odd bunch.” 

“So not only do I have to interview this new nanny you’ve got- and hope it doesn’t start another world war with my children- but I am being forced to share my meal, at my table, with a flower child wannabe?”

“It could be worse,” Jinki said patting him on the shoulder as he walked past him.

“I could leave you to do it on your own.”

If Minho could send daggers through his eyes, Jinki would have most certainly been in mortal danger.

 

~~  
Jonghyun arrived on time to the luxurious city apartment. The nanny did not.

Minho was already taking great joy in the idea of dismissing her the moment she walked through the door simply for her tardiness. It would serve Jinki right for the suffering he currently was enduring to have to go on the hunt and find another candidate again.

It was a surprise for Minho to discover his own daughters were Jonghyun’s fans. He absentmindedly wondered when his girls had grown up enough to be interested in idols and when did they even get the time when they were so occupied in running off their nanny’s?

The shrieks that were heard when they came down for lunch though, had been ear-splitting and left no doubt on the subject. When the girls saw _the_ Kim Jonghyun sitting at the family table there had been one brief moment of dumbstruck silence before the chaos had broken out and then Minho wished the silence back with all his might. Not only had the girls been smitten with the idol but he had also taken to them in a minute. Ever since, the group of them had been thick as thieves. For the first half of the meal, everyone seemed so invested in a discussion about albums, music shows, and concepts- with such frightening detail- that Minho might have sworn his girls were industry insiders.

While the girls had lost their minds over the platinum-haired idol, Minho watched Jinki lift his son up and cutely play a nose booping game that had Taemin breaking out into giggles before his ‘uncle’ settled him at the far end of the table in a booster seat alongside his own chair and began serving him his lunch. The sight pained Minho briefly before he shut it down and shoved it to the back of his mind, to the places he refused to touch anymore.

When the hungry growling stomachs finally overruled the surprise of having Jonghyun in their house, the girls and Taemin got down to eating. The clamor died down to a dull roar of clicking cutlery and chomping mouths. It was then that Jinki got the adult conversation rolling.

Jonghyun excitedly laid out the details of the tour and explained how he wanted to get more in touch with the people who listened to his music and to reach out to those who had never listened to it. The tour consisted of ten stops in various locals as he did a circuit of the entire peninsula. Minho couldn’t believe he was going to have to spend three weeks cooped up with this guy writing.

What was worse was where he would be writing.

Jonghyun, and all the staff that would be accompanying him, would be driving cross country in a collection of camper vans.

Minho was horrified.

Jonghyun on the other hand, was entranced by the romanticism of his plan.

“Hey,” he paused, looking like he’d just discovered peanut butter for the first time, “why don’t you bring your whole family along? It would be wonderful!”

The room around Minho came to an absolute standstill around him. All eyes were focused on him anticipating his response.

“No. I don’t think that will be necessary.”

“Aww come on Minho,” the already too casual and familiar idol cajoled, “There’ll be plenty of room- you’ll have your own space and it will be just you anyway if they don’t come. Why not make it a fun trip and not just a working one? Kids love road trips! It will be fun Minho!”

“Daddy please,” piped up Junghee, “I’d like to go wherever you are going. I want to be with you.” Minho flinched at the words. He didn’t want to be on any road trip with them. He didn’t want to be on any road with them period. But Junghee, Junghee with her mother’s eyes and her sweet tone was looking so wistfully at him he paused, his heart stuttering with the emotion that pricked him.

Minho flicked his eyes up to Jinki sitting at the other end of the table from him. Jinki seemed to be holding his breath as he waited for his response. There was hope in his eyes and a tinge of urgency that begged Minho to not screw this up.

“Okay, fine. Whatever you want, but that new nanny of yours better be Mary-bloody-Poppins,” he said pointing an accusing finger at Jinki. Infuriatingly, Jinki only smirked at him.

“Oh, I don’t think you will have to worry about this one.”

“Fine then, okay? Fine!” 

The girls broke into cries of delight and little Taemin followed his sister’s examples and threw up his arms with a joyful shout. Minho glanced back at Junghee. She was looking at him already and mouthed a ‘thank you daddy’ at him. Minho grabbed the emotion that again surged and strangled it down inside him.

Minho turned to Jonghyun and inquired curtly. “So when does this circus leave?”

“In three days.” He shrugged and smiled.

Near the end of the boisterous lunch there was a ring at the front door. Wishing to escape Jonghyun’s current soliloquy on _our possession of the spaces we create_ by any means possible, he waved Jinki off from his half standing position and got up to answer the door himself. He dearly hoped it was the nanny. Although her absence had already cost him more than he was prepared to bargain with in the first place, he had enough of everyone and everything that was currently being contained by the dining room door and he was ready to turn the whole thing over to someone who cared. 

Before he had the door half open he was bowled over by two knee-high furballs darting through his legs and powerfully pulling a slender young woman through his door and straight into his arms. There was nothing to hold onto or grab in the spacious entryway and in the blinking of an eye, down the group of them went. The dogs pulled free of the woman and ran barking through the house. On instinct, Minho wrapped his arms around the figure before him and pulled them in tightly as they hit the wood floor with a thud. He took the brunt of the fall on his elbow and shoulder and the pain ricocheted up and down his arm and he swore up a storm in his head. Minho released the woman feeling like he had touched hot coals. The emotion fought for dominance with the pain in his arm and sent his mind into pained confusion.

The commotion was enough to bring everyone running from the dining room to observe his downfall. The two brown and black dogs ran through the living room dragging their leashes, yipping and ready to play much to the delight of little Taemin who wiggled down from Jinki’s arms and began chasing them.

Minho leaned his head back and looked at his upside-down family and their looks of shock matched his own. Rolling over with a groan, he sat up and scowled at the slender young brunette facing him. She was sitting, legs curled to one side, and _grinning_ of all things. Was she insane? Who grinned after bowling over a perfect stranger?

“Hi, I’m Kim Gwiboon. I’m the new nanny.” The girl stuck out her hand towards him and smiled even brighter.

Apparently, Kim Gwiboon, the new nanny, did.

 

~~  
Getting everyone settled and back in their proper places had been something more of a chore than Minho had performed regarding his family in some time.

Jinki was the worst friend ever Minho decided as he watched the elder man flat out laugh at him in front of everyone as he’d tried to bring order to the chaotic room.

Jinki would get his later, Minho vowed darkly.

When everyone was finally somewhat corralled in the living room, the newcomer took it on herself to make proper introductions, making a sincere apology for the lateness of her arrival and the disruption she’d created when she’d finally arrived. The dogs sat one on each side of her patiently awaiting her command and panted tiredly after the good run they’d had through the house. The trio was undeniably adorable.

Kim Gwiboon was a tall woman, athletically built but not strictly maintained. Her curves were evident in the cute spring green shirt dress she wore –not that he was looking– and her straight black hair fell loose to her waist confined only by a yellow polka dot headband.

Her smile eclipsed everything. 

Jonghyun seemed charmed by the woman even more so than he had been by Minho’s children and Minho wouldn’t be surprised if the singer left today with her number tucked away for future use.

The dogs were a hit all around. After the introductions Jinki had pretty much plunked himself down in the middle of the living room and began wrestling with the caramel colored one they now knew to be Comme-des. Taemin gently kissed the puppies noses every time Jinki got one to sit still and the small boy giggled in delight. Eunsook planted herself in Uncle Jinki’s lap and commanded the animals with every trick she could think of. The dogs steadily ignored her.

Minjung stood off to the side and watched everything with careful eyes.

The nanny herself had received a rather cooler welcome when each of the children had been made to introduce themselves to the guest.

Minjung had sulked and crossed her arms telling Gwiboon ten-year-olds didn’t need nannies. Gwiboon gently responded that they would have to work on that one together before moving on.

Eunsook and Junghee had as expected, linked hands. They told Gwiboon that they were eight and just because they weren’t identical didn’t mean that they didn’t have twin powers. Minho rolled his eyes at that one and watched Gwiboon hide a smile behind a cough.

When it was Taemin’s turn, he’d hidden behind Minjung. Gwiboon knelt down and placed her hands on her knees.

“You’re Taemin right?”

The boy nodded, his eyes blinking furiously.

“How old are you Taemin? Are you…three?” she asked animatedly.

“No. Four!”

“Four? Really? Do you know what? That’s how old Garson is! Did you know that?”

Taemin shook his head no again.

“That means,” she continued, “that you two are like same-age brothers!”

Taemin’s eyes widened. The idea seemed to please him and he emerged from behind his sister to take the hand Gwiboon now offered him. Garson trotted over at the mention of his name and together the pair stroked his fur.

“I would very much like to be your friend Taemin. And you can come and play with the puppies any time that you would like, okay?”

“He doesn’t want your bribe,” Minjung cut in placing a hand on the younger’s shoulder.

To Minho’s surprise Gwiboon ignored the accusation.

“Taemin, you can come anytime you want okay sweetheart? And tell Minjung that she can come with you. I bet she would like puppy cuddles too, okay?”

Taemin nodded and this time, smiled. 

Well, one out of four wasn’t bad Minho mused. Previous nannies hadn’t even rated that approval.

Pleasantries unpleasantly completed, Minho finally managed to separate the family and guests from the potential employee and took her through to his study. The woman was half settled in already but there was a few things that were going to need hashed out before that became a certainty.

Half an hour later when Minho walked out behind the smiling young woman, he wasn’t sure about what had happened. Earlier in morning, he was planning on declining her particular services just to goad Jinki, but apparently, that wasn’t a choice anymore. Minho had changed his mind.

And he wasn’t sure why.

Minho had come at her with a litany of expectations and she had simply nodded and smiled at him. He had tersely explained the impromptu road trip they were taking and she had positively beamed- with what he was sure was a mischievous gleam in her eye.

When he was through, Gwiboon had informed him she would be paid a tidy sum and would have a clause in her contract that she could leave if the situation proved unacceptable and still receive a positive recommendation for her next position. And he’d agreed. She’d told him that her puppy care had fallen through- the reason for her tardiness- and that she would need to bring the animals along- and he’d agreed. They agreed on every point the other threw out and it was as if the woman could read his mind; she seemed to know what he would say and require before he even opened his mouth. He surprised himself with how readily he agreed to all of her requests and he just couldn’t understand why he was being so compliant to her. 

He felt like this woman had some strange sort of magic, but just as soon as the idea came, he discarded it entirely with a scoff. _Magic._ Could he get any more ridiculous talking about things only fools believed in?

His gaze wandered back to Gwiboon. He saw her interacting with his family and doing her best to gain his children’s trust as she made the dogs do tricks. The thought that he could, possibly, be wrong flickered through his mind.


	2. Two

Gwiboon’s spice colored eyes twinkled in amusement. Before her, Jinki waved to the retreating recreational vehicle with a gusto not often seen outside of parades or the passing of the ice cream truck.

Gwiboon watched earlier as every chance he’d gotten the elder man had slapped Minho on the back. Every chance he got he extolled the virtues of family togetherness and the joys of going on a road trip. Minho stood still and unyielding, arms crossed and frown firmly in place while the aging home-on-wheels was loaded and prepared for the trip.

Gwiboon had ushered the children up the steps and into their seats and glanced back again at the pair of men to check on them one more time- from the look on his face, she’d thought that Minho might just be contemplating murder.

Now as they took off, the driver pulling slowly away from the curb, Gwiboon pressed her face to the glass and waved enthusiastically back at the smiling man standing in front of the low-rise apartment, a smile firmly in place on her own face.

This was going to be an adventure.

For some time Gwiboon had been looking for something in her life that would finally stick, finally tap into some magical combination of things she was looking for that would become the place she was meant to be in. Despite having no qualifications in childcare, she had jumped at the chance to work with children when it was offered to her. It was something she’d never done before and always wondered about. Besides that, it sounded like fun and she really hoped that the details of the position would work itself out as she settled in.

She turned from the camper window and plopped back onto the seat. Then, she looked over the universally dour and sullen faces of Minho and his children. Now she wasn’t so sure of her chances.

The children hadn’t warmed up to her at all in the last three days that the trip had been in production. Every time she looked at the father, he got up and left the room- no matter if she was smiling or was trying to appraise the man in the short moments she’d been around him.

Gwiboon didn’t know whether to dislike Minho or be wary of him. He didn’t seem to be a man who wanted to be liked but she had no idea why someone would want to be that way, especially with such a beautiful family and home surrounding him. Some people would give anything for a family like his and yet she could count on one hand the times she’d seen him have any interactions with the girls or Taemin thus far.

It was baffling. It was challenging. It was daunting.

Kim Gwiboon had resolved herself to be no quitter, however, so giving in before she’d even begun was out of the question. She would just have to find a way.

That was one thing she was good at. 

She stood, wobbling a bit with the sway of the camper and gripped on to the overhead compartments to steady herself. She bent to the bench across from where she’s been sitting and checked the harnesses and buckles of her own fur babies. They sat to attention, eager for her touch and she was happy to reassure them and coo praises into their ears until they relaxed and flopped onto each other ready for a nap.

She looked up from the dogs to find Minho looking down the way at her. From his spot on the end of the cushioned benches that lined the sides of the cabin, he had a line-view right to her. She looked at him curiously and again wondered what sort of a man she’d exactly signed on to work for. Minho stared for a beat and then predictably got up and went into the master bedroom compartment at the end of the living space, shutting the pocket door with a firm click.

Fine. Let him be that way. She would still show him.

Gwiboon grabbed up her giant leather slouch purse from where she’d tossed it on the floor and dragged it with her as she moved to the kitchenette. She scooted wordlessly into one of the hard plastic benches that bracketed a formica tabletop and tried to get comfortable. From the purse she brought a thin square book and a thick tin that rattled softly as the contents were jostled. Gwiboon opened the tin and took out trays of colored pencils, as varied in color as the rainbow, and set them in neat rows. She flipped open the book. Diligently, and unheeding of the children, she began to fill in the spaces between the black lines.

Gwiboon loved coloring books and was glad the trend had become so popular and made books so readily available to her. Coloring was something that calmed her mind and heart, which slowed the thoughts when they ran too fast, or focused her when her anxiety began to creep in. Coloring let her have fun at something she was good at while making her childhood pastime an acceptable adulthood obsession.

A short while after she begun, a small form slid from the bench in the back and crawled into the table bench opposite her. Gwiboon continued coloring, her eyes never leaving the page but her attention was fully on the youngest Choi girl, Eunsook. The girl had plump ruby lips and full rosy cheeks, her intense well-defined eyes seemed to take in everything and missed nothing. Gwiboon had noticed there was a hungry sort of longing in the back of Eunsook’s eyes and it cried out to her for attention and care. Care she was eager to give.

“How did you learn to do that?” the little voice asked in awe.

Gwiboon kept coloring. “It’s not hard really; you just have to have a good imagination. Do you have a good imagination Eunsook?”

The girl nodded earnestly, her short bob swinging back and forth with the motion. Gwiboon stopped and looked up at her fully.

“Then we have to get you your own page to work on don’t we?” Gwiboon pulled another book out of her bag and carefully tore out a page from it and slid it over to her. The girl’s eyes lit up.

“Dragonflies!”

Gwiboon smiled and the pair got to work on their pages. It was only a short while later that Taemin crawled up beside her and then Junghee grudgingly joined her sister as well, each of them receiving a page and beginning their own masterpieces. Taemin had freaked out at first and refused the page of ladybugs she had offered him, so she traded the page for one with daisies that seemed to suit him much better. Junghee requested rainbows. She sat and stared at the page for a long while before she carefully began filling in the colors on the page.

Gwiboon snuck glances at Minjung from time to time, but the girl feigned an air of indifference, refusing to acknowledge her sibling's enjoyment, or that she too could be sharing in that enjoyment. The rigidity of her body and the way she tightly held onto the iPod in her hand till her knuckles stretched white, told Gwiboon a different story about what really went on inside the girl. She noted it for later. Gwiboon could only tackle one child at a time. Right now she was juggling three.

Gwiboon sighed. Little Taemin seemed to be on her side without question, and it was nice to be gaining little bits of ground with the twins, but she hated seeing the siblings separated, she hated seeing Minjung reflect so much of her father’s cold and rigid demeanor. She may not know how to care for children in practice but she certainly remembered being the loner kid in school, remembered being the easy target for the popular girl’s barbs and shoves. She was too different for them to approve of, too ugly for them to admire during her gangly awkward years. Looking at Minjung now she saw something of herself reflected in the other girl and the way she held herself apart- afraid of the blows, defensive against any word. Gwiboon wished she could reach her and crack through to the genuine person she was sure was hiding underneath a whole lot of pain and of burdens too big for her.  
Right now however, she had been gifted with the attentions of three of the Choi siblings and she wasn’t going to neglect that gift.

Turning her attention back to the kids she again engaged them in conversation. Surprisingly, it was Taemin who often answered first and added his opinion. His eyes twinkled and shined every time she praised him, every time she commented on his coloring page. Gwiboon ruffled his hair and smiled at him. She may still be looking for the cooperation and approval of the siblings as a whole but it was easy for her to see that if things continued to improve like this that she was going to have a difficult time not getting too attached.

Perhaps that would be her bigger challenge over all.

 

~~  
The minute the camper pulled into the rest stop and came to a halt, Minho fled from the vehicle. He sprinted across the parking lot to the grassy area reserved for dog walkers and picnickers. Minho kept going until he ran up against the mesh fencing that kept the formerly mentioned dogs and picnickers from escaping back to the highway. His sprint slowed to a light power-walk and then he began pacing around the perimeter of the area.

The camper was suffocating Minho. Or rather, Minho, trapped in the camper, was having a difficult time not having his fears collapse in on him. 

How could any of them continue on so blithely- coloring and laughing- as this dubious vehicle flew down the highway, he thought bitterly. How could they be so unconcerned about the dangers of the road and what could happen to them?

Minho had only been able to stand the situation for a short time before he’d retreated to the bedroom and buried his head in the pillows so he didn’t have to see, didn’t have to think and feel. At least he’d insisted that there would be a professional driver for the RV. At least he didn’t have to be burdened by the responsibility of being behind the wheel with the entire remainder of his family in tow. It was a comfort. But not much of one. Now that he’d experienced being a passenger alongside his family, he couldn’t see himself riding with them this entire trip; it would be hell on earth for him.

Minho looked back across the parking lot and saw that the crew were beginning to arrive back at their respective vehicles. Everyone would be ready to go soon and his options were limited. Quickly, he made his decision. He jogged back to the camper and grabbed his tablet and his gear bag and went to look for Jonghyun.

Jonghyun was more than welcome to see him and get going on their little collaboration but he was, in Minho’s opinion, a little over-eager to show off his new digs. A VW van, mustard and cream wasn’t everybody’s cup of tea but it seemed to suit Jonghyun to a tee.

“Isn’t this cool?” Jonghyun exulted.

Minho was one-hundred percent sure that ‘cool’ was not the word he’d use, what with his knees pushed up to his armpits and the lingering odor of automotive fluids and a side of mustiness that hung in the van.

“I am so glad we decided to do this. We can really just _feel_ the road and let our senses find the melody that needs to be sung.” Jonghyun looked dreamy and faraway as he spoke. Minho resisted the urge to roll his eyes. 

Jonghyun had his legs propped up on the dashboard and his guitar slung across his legs. Picking at a few cords and absently strumming, he looked the very picture of the wanderlusting artist he was trying to portray on this tour.

“So where do you want to start here? Do you have any music or lyrics already composed? Are we starting with something or are we going all from scratch?”  
Jonghyun grinned back at him lazily.

“Try this out.”

Jonghyun confidently played out a line of melody once and then began it again matching the simple mellow refrain with words of desiring to take a step towards the one you love and be cared for in a world that leaves you shaken.

Minho’s eyebrows fought a tug-of-war with themselves shooting up in surprise before descending in confusion. 

“If you can compose like that then why am I here?” he asked bluntly.

Jonghyun shrugged in another lazy movement. “Because I’m ‘just an idol’ and ‘I don’t know what I’m doing’” he airquoted.

“That’s bullcrap.”

“That’s the industry my friend, and both you and I know it.”

Minho shook his head in disgust. He did know, all too well what it was like to be looked at one dimensionally by your agency and not allowed to do what you were really dreaming of. Being looked at like a one-trick pony stung like the bite of a riding crop to the flank as you were lead around for people to look at and critique.

“Why did you _really_ pick me to work with you?”

Jonghyun looked back a little smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. He suddenly seemed much more intelligent and sharp-witted than Minho had seen him thus far. Gone was the aura of a man with flowers tucked behind his ears skipping through grassy fields and what had taken its place was honest and raw.

“Because you know what it’s like to be on both sides. Because I like your work. Because I want to beat the powers that be at their own game. Because I’m lazy and I want you to do all my work for me,” he shrugged. “Take your pick. One of them must be the truth.”

Jonghyun went back to strumming and humming and Minho sat in stunned silence studying the man. Jonghyun was not at all the person Minho assumed him to be and he didn’t know how to process that fact.

 

~~  
Time flew over the next couple of days. They quickly settled into a routine of convenience, although perhaps not perfection. Gwiboon now knew how to rearrange the nooks and crannies of the RV to bed the children down at night, and willingly wove together stories to captivate anyone who listened. She pretended not to notice that Minjung was an attentive eavesdropper to the stories. She pretended not to notice Minho sneaking back in after dark every night either pausing to hear a snippet or two before he disappeared into his room.

Gwiboon now also knew how to rouse everyone all out of bed again come daylight, and make the most of the tiny kitchen to feed them. Minho never stayed long enough to speak a word to, much less to feed. Many mornings, she and the children never saw him at all after he’d risen and left. Gwiboon kept things rolling in good order however and became an inspirational speaker on personal hygiene. She motivated one and all insisting that everyone had to be presentable before the day’s activities began.

Life on the road suited her. These children suited her. She figured this wasn’t such a rough job after all.

Korea really wasn’t that big of a country. Gwiboon knew it was easily traversable from west to east in a day’s journey, so each day’s ride in the lumbering RV was relatively short as they moved about from destination to destination before the whole crew would disembark and begin setting up Jonghyun’s next “guerrilla concert” location. The children had little perspective on that fact and were always bored far quicker than she expected. She would talk to them in those times and try to play games with them like ‘I have never’ or ‘would you rather’ that got them talking about themselves, letting her in on the little details of their personalities and passions.

But Gwiboon was not one for sitting still much herself. While they talked, she worked off her phone seeking adventures for wherever they landed. The trip to Everland she planned to be their first and biggest adventure. But in the end, Gwiboon swore the trip to Everland took years off her life. 

That was the day where everything changed. 

The day had started out tentatively, certain members of the group dragging their feet to go where Gwiboon led, but she considered that understandable as it was their first real outing together. Despite their reluctance to be with her, she didn’t have trouble keeping them all together and following her as they went through the ticketing gates and walked into the biggest amusement park Gwiboon had ever seen. She was relieved and grateful they at least minded her as they began to navigate through the large groups of people.

They started out at the zoo looking at the bears and lions which the twins loved, and the penguins, which Taemin loved. Midmorning, they turned a corner and arrived at the giraffe enclosure and Eunsook took off towards them with a screech of delight plastering herself against the glass barrier that looked down onto the animals. Gwiboon smiled, seeing her excited and enjoying herself was good. Quickly she paid the attendant for giraffe-approved treats and helped the young girl to coax the long-necked creatures over to where they were and feed them. The rough tongue against her palm had made her squeal again and she smiled full of joy. They each took their turn then and each experienced the same delight.  
After that it was a turn on the kiddy roller-coasters and amusement rides. None of the children had ever been on such a ride before and it was pure entertainment for Gwiboon to see them light up in turns of fear and pleasure. To Gwiboon’s surprise, Taemin was the one having the most fun on the rides pressing his face into the rush of the air as they fell down the steep incline and were sent looping around a large circle. He threw his hands into the air with abandon. The child was a dare devil in the making, she decided.

Lunch had been a bartered affair with some getting food from one stand and others insisting that they had to have it from another. In the end, Gwiboon was just glad that they all ate and left her in silence for a few moments as she plotted the afternoon out. She was pretty sure that she was beginning to tire before them and she wasn’t sure how that was possible. As an adult, she should have at least twice the stamina of the children, right?

Gwiboon guided them into the historical village after lunch and they strolled leisurely on the cobbled walkways. It was a good way to get them to calm down from the more active events of the morning and she found Junghee really liked the old style houses and the demonstrations from the craftsmen showing weaving or blacksmithing or the delicate lettering of hundreds of generations past. 

Finally, in the late afternoon, they reached the waterpark. As she and the girls stood at the entrance, swimsuits on and ready to go, Gwiboon’s heart dropped at the sheer number of people crowded into the various pools. How was she to keep hold of four children _alone_ in the midst of that? She wanted to turn back and run to the safety of the stuffy little camper but she knew she couldn’t, not after promising Minjung that they would wrap up the day here.

If she went back on her word now she didn’t know how she would deal with the fallout later. Minjung might never trust her again. That was something she couldn’t have.

In the pool they would go.

She got down on her knees and looked up at the quartet, holding Taemin’s hand in her left and Junghee’s in her right, she explained the dangers and her rules for sticking together. Everybody stays within her sight, no roughhousing or dangerous stunts, no one going off on their own. With all agreed they waded in and set to splashing and bobbing around in the shallower end of the still pool.

They had been playing for a while, Taemin floating at her fingertips in his Donald Duck floaty, the twins mingling with a couple of other girls they had met, and Minjung swimming ‘shark circles’ around her and Taemin diving at their legs and making her hop out of the way with a yelp each time.

She thought everything was good. She didn’t see it happen.

One moment Minjung was right there. The next she was gone.

Panic rose in Gwiboon’s chest like the sick swell of bile and vomit. She called for the girl- there was no response- how could there be in this sea of people? Quickly she pushed the girls to the poolside and lugged Taemin up onto the pool deck shouting at them to stay still.

Gwiboon pushed through the people kicking and splashing to make a path around her as she waded out into the deeper waters calling Minjung’s name. She heard the kids shout from behind her and she swiveled around to catch what they were saying. Eunsook and Junghee held hands between them gaining support from the other as they screamed and pointed in the direction of the wave pool adjacent to where they were.

Gwiboon turned in time to see Minjung tossed to the top of a wave with a hundred other people and disappear underneath the froth as the wave turned and rolled. In seconds, people began popping up again breaking free of the artificial current but Minjung didn’t surface.

Gwiboon had never felt so scared as she did in that moment.

She dove under, paddling for all she was worth to reach the spot she saw Minjung go under. Seconds felt like minutes and time was crawling in Gwiboon’s mind. Reaching the wave section she raised up, taking a quick breath before she dove again searching and searching. Surfacing she gulped air and tried to think clearly. She spun in a circle looking for any angle and edge that would give her a clue as to where the girl had gone. Gwiboon was about to dive again when she heard a gasping spluttering cry a few feet behind her.

It was Minjung and the fear in her eyes propelled Gwiboon into action once again. She lunged towards her and kept her from going under once more. Gwiboon slid an arm around her shoulder and chest and towed her to the poolside.

The pair flopped limply down together, the roughness of worn concrete biting into her legs and the palms of her hands. Minjung stared into Gwiboon’s eyes for a moment locked in the grip of shock. The other children ran up calling for their sister and Minjung burst into tears. Wearily, Gwiboon pulled herself to sit up on the hard concrete decking and she pulled Minjung into her arms. The sopping wet and thoroughly wrung out little girl threw her arms around Gwiboon and wept her eyes out through gasps and gulps.

“I-I’m-m sorry. I’m sorry-y. I just wanted to do something bi-big wi-without youu. I didn’t-”

All at once there was a mass of other small wet bodies clinging to Gwiboon and Minjung, all crying, all strained to the limit with worry and fear. She wrapped her arms around them all and held them tight.

“It’s okay babies, it’s okay. We are all here. It’s going to be okay.”

Gwiboon hoped she was right.

 

~~  
Going back to the camper that night dragging four damp, exhausted, frightened, children behind her had caused a bit of an uproar in the encampment.

Jonghyun was one of the first ones to spot them; sitting outside of his little VW bus in a lawn chair and strumming his guitar. He rushed over to them. Gwiboon could see the concern written clearly across his face.

“We’ve had a little accident in the pool today,” she offered, shifting Taemin’s weight on her hip and re-gripping Minjung’s hand that had not yet left hers.

His eyes grew wide. “Someone find Minho!” he ordered, shouting over his shoulder. “Is there anything I can get you or do for you and the kids right now?” He reached out and grasped her forearm and it was reassuring to her that someone was there and cared.

Gwiboon shook her head. “We all just need to get cleaned up and get some rest.”

“Okay, you have my number; you call me if you think of anything. Promise?” he pointed his finger at her in gentle sternness.

Tiredly she nodded and moved her little charges along towards their own ‘home’.

By the time that Minho arrived she already had the children washed and dressed for bed. And the group of them were crammed together in Gwiboon’s small bunk, no one wanting to let go of each other, especially Minjung. The girl was now a transformed child. Though still teetering on the edge of quite anxiety over the day’s events, Minjung was now eager to please Gwiboon, eager to stay by her side, and eager to be held and comforted in her arms. It was a small blessing in reward after today’s trial by fire.

When Minho stormed into the camper, she realized that that trial wasn’t over yet.  
He towered over them in the bed with the most frightening look she’d seen on him yet. It was somewhere between anger and fear and it twisted his handsome features into a fearsome mask. Comme des and Garson who had been slumbering on the floor at her feet now came to alert and stood pacing nervously back and forth between the two of them, not liking the feeling in the room and not quite knowing what to do about it.

Gwiboon held her hand up pleading for silence as she extricated herself from the tangle of limbs and the heat of sweaty sleeping bodies. After everything she didn’t want to wake them now. 

Silently, she followed him out of the vehicle, pushing the dogs back as they tried to follow and carefully pulling at the door. She prayed she wasn’t about to be fired, prayed she wouldn’t be separated from the children, prayed he would understand.

“What happened to my children today?” Minho demanded, turning on her and invading her space the moment the door shut behind her.

“We went to the amusement park today and when we were in the waterpark this afternoon Minjung got carried under by a wave. It took a few minutes to find her and get a hold of the situation but everyone is safe now. Everything is fine.” She drew a deep breath trying to assure herself of that fact despite how she still felt a tremble through her body in recounting the incident.

“How is it ‘fine’ that my children were put in harm’s way today by your carelessness?” If Gwiboon thought Minho’s cold stares had been disconcerting before, she realized it was nothing to the fire in his eyes and voice now. “What if you _weren’t_ able to find her? What if something happened to one of the others in the meantime? Did you think of that? How could you be so reckless with my children?” Minho’s last question fell from his lips in a hoarse whisper. The sound of it was of a broken man about to break all over again and it caused her to do a double take. This was not Minho in his usual cold self, this was a new Minho with feelings and it sent her spinning. 

“It’s not fine actually,” Gwiboon said taking a deep breath and drawing herself up, her own fire kindled. “It was anything but fine. It was terrifying. I’ve never been more frightened in my life. But that fear drove me to do what I needed to and because of it Minjung is in there alive right now,” she motioned back at the RV. “I hope it’s something she quickly forgets. But I know that it’s something that’s going to haunt me for a long, long time. I can’t stop replaying everything over in my head and asking where I went wrong! What I could have done differently so it never happened in the first place- but there’s nothing! There’s nothing.” Her rage cooled in the light of the truth of her statement and her whole body shook. She crossed her arms over herself and tried to contain just how affected she was.

“If one of my babies is ever harmed because of you-”

“They won’t. I couldn’t,” she cut him off. “They are the most wonderful children and I’m so lucky to have them right now. I’ll protect them with everything I have.” She choked in the emotions crawling up her throat but continued anyway. “Nothing will harm them again.”

“You had better hope that’s the case.”

When Minho turned and stalked away from her, she didn’t know whether to be relieved or to be angry at how abandoned and alone she felt. She would just have to hold on to both and figure it out later. 

When Gwiboon crawled back into her bunk, she was more drained than ever but oh so grateful to have a job still. As she situated herself against the edge of the bed, the unyielding springs of the old mattress dug into her. But she couldn’t be happier. She made as much contact as she could with each child, a hand, a head, a leg, and little Junghee, who had been about to roll out of the bed wrapped up securely in her arms. She wanted them to know even in sleep she was there. She was there and she wasn’t going anywhere.


	3. Three

After the incident with Minjung, Gwiboon noticed a change in Minho.

The man was more alert both in person and to the daily happenings of the happy little caravan. It was like he was beginning to wake from a long slumber and was adjusting to the harsh rays of the morning sun.

It was a change she welcomed.

It was a change everyone from Taemin to Minjung were warming up too quickly.

But the change brought with it challenges for Gwiboon.

After having the children to herself for a while now, it was a struggle to begin including another person to that mix. More than once, she and Minho had gotten into a standoff over something trivial like whether Lucky Charms was really an ‘acceptable’ breakfast option or whether Taemin’s lengthening locks would see the butcher- or as Minho prefered to call term it- the _barber_ when they got back to Seoul.

Gwiboon felt like she was here to be not just a caretaker to these children but a guardian to them as well. It was evident that Minho had been absent in his children’s lives since his wife’s passing and that while she was sure they had been looked after in body, their little hearts had been cruelly trampled on. Being caretaker and guardian was a job she took ever more seriously since the pool incident and Minho’s tirade. These children meant more and more to her by the day and the more time went by, the more her feelings were stirred up to being maternal and deep.

Perhaps she wasn’t being wholly objective anymore but she refused to be moved even by Minho on such silly disagreements when she felt it wasn’t in the best interest of her young charges. She was the boss and that was that.

Bickering at each other in the close confines of the camper brought her and Minho much closer in proximity then they had been in his home- and without the room to escalate the disagreement to higher decibels like they had last time in the parking lot. There were children to consider after all. Appearances to them were everything.

It made everything a more interesting disagreement.

Usually if she pushed hard enough, Minho’s huffing and puffing would temper down to a puff and a growl after a while and Gwiboon would simply raise a neatly sculpted eyebrow at him in silent victory. In those moments, Minho would pin her with a look that she had yet been able to figure out. A look she couldn’t break away from as the heat of the moment built into some other strange heat that left her breathless and confused as he would push past her and leave the camper, quickly disappearing in the direction of Jonghyun’s van.

He really was the oddest man. She didn’t know whether to strangle him…or to entertain the growing feeling in her. A feeling she just thought _might_ be attraction.

How infuriating.

 

~~  
Minho was constantly surprised by Kim Jonghyun.

They had been working together for a few weeks now and getting along surprisingly well since that first day Minho crawled into his van. While their relationship wasn’t quite sunshine and lollipops, they had reached a level of wry banter that saw Minho poking fun at Jonghyun’s pastel flower boy image versus the ‘erotic’ darker side he had discovered in the man. Naturally, Jonghyun returned the volley with a crack about how Minho shouldn’t cast stones at ‘eroticism’ when he was a man with _four children._ Their humor was sharp and quirky and he found himself liking the idol in spite of himself.

Minho had adapted to the _interesting_ working conditions as well. He found that if Jonghyun could hash out the notes on his guitar as they drove, he could record them on his tablet and make suggestions as they went. It had become their practice that when they reached their destination for the day and the crew began to set up camp, Jonghyun and Minho could be found in lawn chairs outside the van with a keyboard plugged into the first available power source. There they would stay for the next few hours arguing and scribbling and making notes in the margins of sloppily written sheet music.

It was working well for them and they were progressing on Jonghyun’s song. Minho had fallen in love with the haunting melody and he often found himself humming parts of it during the day. The lyrics had proven to be a little trickier with Minho wanting to go a simple route while Jonghyun had fought to fill the words with deeper complex emotions. The simple lyrics were easy to write but the revised ones Jonghyun passed back to him every morning tugged at his heart and challenged him in ways he wasn’t ready to think about.

It was well past midnight on a composing session night when crying could be suddenly be heard from inside Minho’s camper. He watched out of the corner of his eye as a dim light illuminated one window and the vehicle could be seen swaying with the movement of a person inside.

The crying did not stop.

“That is one of your kids in there crying, you know that right?”

Minho looked back at Jonghyun, the disbelief written clearly on the other’s face.

“Yeah, I know. Gwiboon will take care of it, that’s what she’s there for. It’s fine.”

Jonghyun’s phone beeped with a message alert. He glanced at it only a moment before addressing Minho again. “Well apparently not. The Lady of the Trailer is requesting your presence.”

The campfire sat a few feet from the pair and flickered its dancing glow on their faces. Minho looked at the bleach blond man and chewed his lip.

“They don’t really need me. It’s fine.” Minho used the guitar pick in his hand to trace the outline of his thumbnail digging in deeply around the groove and repeating the motion again and again. He didn’t look up at Jonghyun again; he didn’t need to in order to know the disapproval that he would face.

“Look, I’m no expert or anything, but like, coming from a kid who didn’t have a dad- most kids want their dad. And like, there are some times that they really need them. Your kid needs you Minho, Gwiboon is asking for you.”

Minho looked up slowly to see the earnest eyes of the man he was quickly coming to call his friend in a headspace that hadn’t entertained the concept of friends in a long time.

“Dude, _go_!”

Minho went. He felt like he would rather do anything else in that moment but his feet carried him across the short distance between where he was and where he was called to before he could think himself out of it.

For so many years he would have went to one of his crying children eagerly, wishing to erase whatever hurt and pain had arisen but it had been so long since he had even held one of his children, had been a dad they would want to be around that his stomach felt like lead. How could his kids ever want him? Why would they ever want to look at him after what had happened?

The minute he opened the door to the RV the sound of the crying child grew louder. The overhead light at the end of what could be called the hallway threw off a light that was harsh and glaring in the otherwise dark and still room.  
Minho followed the sound to where Gwiboon sat in silhouette cradling his weeping son. He placed a hand on her shoulder and her eyes turned to meet his, worry filling them and threatening to spill out in her own helpless tears. Minho scooped Taemin up off of her lap and she scooted up and out of the way.

“I think he had a nightmare. He just woke up all of a sudden and was terrified and I couldn’t calm him.”

Minho took possession of the already warmed seat and gently rocked the boy who had burrowed his whole body into Minho leaving no doubt as to whether he was wanted. “Hey buddy, what’s wrong?” Taemin’s sobs were punctuated by hiccups and long straggling breaths that sucked in air. He couldn’t string together a sentence for Minho if he wanted. But he didn’t need to when he could only get out one word over and over again: ‘Mama’.

It broke Minho’s heart into a few thousand more pieces to hear his son call for a mother that could never come to him again. He tightened his arms around the boy, afraid to crush him, afraid to lose him. Minho buried his nose in the soft clean scent of his little boy’s hair. “It’s alright Taeminnie, daddy is here.”

“Daddy?” A voice from the other side of the room spoke up. Junghee. He looked over and saw a trio of small heads poking out of their beds. “Remember how you used to sing us to sleep? Maybe you could sing for Taeminnie?”

“No honey, I don’t thin-”

“It really might help, Minho,” Gwiboon jumped in. “He really has seemed to like singing a lot, however poorly I do it.” Gwiboon stood in the shadows by the door, her arms hugged her body closely and she fidgeted from foot to foot. It was obvious that she wanted to ease the little boy’s hurt and didn’t know how. Even in the darkness, he recognized that helpless anxious feeling and remembered all too well the first time he’d experienced it when Minjung was small.

Gwiboon was trying and trying hard, he would give her credit for that. This wasn’t really her battle though, it was his. One hard thing at a time he had to find his way back.

This was his hard thing for tonight.

“It’s okay, go. I’ve got this.” He waved her away with one hand. Gwiboon hesitated for a second then disappeared out of the still open door.

Minho closed his eyes and tried breathing deeply he knew he could never calm Taemin if he himself got worked up himself. He looked for a song, a lullaby he could sing and found one on the edge of his mind, almost forgotten from long neglect.

When Minho sang everything stilled.

From outside the door Gwiboon and a nosey Jonghyun listened to everything.

Gwiboon’s eyes grew large and disbelieving at the smooth sweet tones that came from Minho. Jonghyun listened intensely a look of wonder on his face and concentration deeply furrowed on his brow.

“I knew he was good,” he whispered, “But I didn’t know he still sounded like this.”

“You knew he could sing?!”

Jonghyun only grinned.

“Yeah, and he’s going to be doing a lot more of it from now on. The cat’s out of the bag!” With that he pushed off the side of the camper and sauntered away.

An hour later after everything had become still again and the whole camp had gone to bed, Minho emerged from the camper. He found Gwiboon sitting on the fat lip of the rear bumper, completely in the dark and still holding herself closely.

He came and sat next to her, bracing his feet against the ground and pressing his shoulders back into the cool aluminum of the siding.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

Minho didn’t believe her but he didn’t challenge her on it.

“So about tonight-”

“My mother died young too you know.” He looked at her, surprised at her sudden outburst, but she didn’t stop staring straight ahead. “I wasn’t lucky enough to have a family I knew of at that time, so I got kicked around from place to place growing up. You kinda learn to deal with whatever is going on around you. Mostly you ignore it really. But there was this one family I was with that had a little girl about Taemin’s age that always woke up in terror in the middle of the night. But nobody ever came to her, her parents didn’t really care I guess.”

Minho braced himself not liking where this story was going. The night was still around them, pungent with the smell of a not quite dead campfire whose smoke drifted towards them, an unhurried vapor in the near blackness of a night illumined by a crescent moon.

“After a while I would crawl in next to her and try and make her stop screaming and crying, try and hold her, but nothing worked. I didn’t stay with that family long, they moved me again, but I’ve never forgotten that. I guess I went right back there again tonight. I feel like I’ve been doing so well with the kids and everything’s been working out- but…I felt so small when I held him, and so much like my heart was going to burst because I love him and I couldn’t help him.”

Minho thought he had reached his limit on grief, he certainly had scooped up enough of it and held it close to last his lifetime, but Gwiboon’s hidden heartache was pouring into his heart and searing little rivers of truth and reality into his vision. His heart thumped loud in his ears as the ache clenched him in its grasp.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come quicker. I’m sorry…” he trailed off and searched for the right words. “I haven’t been acting like my own children were my own children Gwiboon. That wasn’t yours to take on, that was mine. I may not be able to do a lot of things but a parent should be at least be able to comfort their own child in the middle of the night. I’m sorry I even thought of putting that off on you.”

Gwiboon nodded and the grip on her elbows loosened to hang at her waist.

“Minho, can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” he nodded.

“Would you tell me about your wife? What happened to her Minho, I don’t understand the bits and pieces I’ve heard.”

Minho sucked in a breath, he hadn’t been expecting that question.

“If you really don’t want to tell me that’s okay, I just, I see so many interesting and sweet things in your kids that make me think that she was a pretty amazing person, and that you guys were a pretty amazing team. So I just wondered.”

“Sooyoung _was_ pretty amazing,” he said after a long moment. “We dated in high school, we both were pursuing music together and we were going to be a duo act but then I got her pregnant and the company refused to allow her to debut. She made me keep going though and keep pressing the company for my own debut, but they just said I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t the right thing. I didn’t have the right voice. I couldn’t be with her, but I couldn’t be on my own either. They ran me around for years. Thankfully I was a talented enough composer that they let me hang around and write songs for all my peers who were getting to debut,” He laughed bitterly. “Those were some pretty low days. All the time she kept being my rock, we just kept going forward. And all the time we just kept loving each other and having babies. Those- those were some pretty amazing days.”

“The sex or the babies?” she quipped at him, her filter apparently having evaporated into the heavy night air along with the smell of the campfire. He couldn’t hold back a smile at her sassy innuendo in spite of himself and when he smiled, he could feel the corners of his eyes crinkle up. Gwiboon smiled back and shook her head.

“You’re shameless.”

“Maybe.”

Minho returned to the seriousness of his story in a moment and continued.

“The night she died it was date night. We were celebrating because I’d finally gotten the okay from the managers that they were going to let me debut. It was a freak accident Gwiboon, I swear it was.” Minho’s fingers dove deep into his chocolate brown hair and combed through them, pulling on the ends. “I was driving us home and there was this bus. This bus lost control, they said the brakes failed, and I never saw it coming- I just heard her scream and then we went flying.” Minho stood and began pacing. His heart had crept up into his throat but he kept talking anyway.

“I woke up the next day in the hospital. Jinki was there. He told me what happened, told me she was gone.”

“Oh Minho, I’m so sorry!”

“It was a couple of weeks before I got out and by the time I did Jinki already had a nanny in place for the kids so I knew they were taken care of; and the company was already banging down my door demanding I get ready for the debut, and demanding I finish the song I’d been writing for it. It was a mess. I was a mess, and I told them to go screw themselves. I went back to composing only as I’ve felt like it and that’s the way it’s been ever since. I never got behind the wheel again, couldn’t bring myself-”

“Oh! That’s why the driver.” Gwiboon’s voice was soft, just above a whisper, but he still caught her exclamation. “Sooyoung sounds like someone I would have looked up to a lot. She sounds like she always had hope and that’s something that I’ve always run a bit short on.”

Minho caressed the chain at his neck a moment before he drew it out. He walked back towards Gwiboon and held out the small charm to her: a rainbow.

“Soo loved rainbows, they were like her special charm. But she would never call them lucky though- she thought that cheapened them, because, like, to her they were a symbol of hope and they promised good things. She said we could always make it. We just had to look for the rainbows in the rain.” Minho tucked the charm back inside his shirt and turned back away. “I haven’t been very good in doing that since she died.”

“There’s still time, there’s always time for something we want to do Minho.”

“Yeah, I guess.” His hands slid into his pockets and he toed at the dirt with a beat up pair of sneakers. “Hey, you shouldn’t be still out here! It’s getting pretty late and those kids are going to be up with the sun!”

“I suppose you’re right.”

Minho walked over to her and placed his hands on her elbows and drew her off of the bumper with a hop. She landed much closer to him than he planned for her to. He felt like a bumbling fool as he stepped forward in his nervousness, then backward in realization that he could feel her body heat in the cool of the night air. He dropped his hands from her and then put them back guiding her to face away and pushing her to start walking back to the front of the camper. His hands felt clammy and he wished that his brain and body would quit working against each other.

“Aren’t you coming too?”

“Ahhh,” was the only thing his brain would supply. “Aahmm no, no. Um, no. I’m just gonna stay out here for a while more.”

“Suit yourself. Goodnight Minho” she called softly, her eyes twinkling and clearly amused at his awkward expression.

He waved clumsily with one hand and could barely look at this woman whom he’d been baring his soul to a few minutes prior. His brain screamed at him to get a grip and he wondered how it was that he turned into mush whenever this woman came within a few feet of him. It had happened back at his house when he hired her and it was happening again now.

It really was like she had a magic spell that loosened his tongue and made him feel weak all over.

Minho couldn’t imagine what she might make him do next.

 

~~  
Busan was an amazing city. Gwiboon, who had never really lived outside Seoul before, could have easily let herself get lost in the shopper's paradise that boasted temptation on every corner, but she was not there to fall into temptation- she had children to occupy and so Busan’s other, natural, wonder was their destination for the day.

Haeundae Beach was just as much of a bustling attraction as any other amusement. Many families and couples were taking advantage of the beautiful rain-free day to luxuriate in the sun’s rays. When Gwiboon had announced to the group at breakfast that morning where they would be headed to, there were excited cheers from almost the whole group. Minjung was the only one more subdued. Gwiboon noted that the girl was going to need some special care. Somehow in the discussion the children convinced their father to come along on the excursion. He had hopefully looked to Gwiboon for permission his big eyes wide and piteous. She could do nothing but shrug, an obligatory “Sure, why not?” on her lips. 

Minho did not prove to be any less of an awkward bird once they arrived at the beach than he had been the night before. He had tried to help her lay out the blanket and gotten his long legs unknowingly tangled in one corner as he used his height advantage and reached to straighten another corner. When he stood and moved back the whole blanket had come with him as he landed on his butt in the warm sand. The twins laughed merrily at their dad’s unintentional clumsiness and Taeminnie had jumped on him, deciding it was a game and he wanted to play. Gwiboon could only shake her head, she tugged the blanket out from around the man’s feet and lay it out again as Minho, Taemin, and now the ever eager Eunsook and Junghee rolled around in the sand and tried to wrestle their father. The dogs, which had been set free for the day jumped around yipping and barking at the excitement, eager to join in and it made the kids shriek with playful joy.

Getting into the water took no coaxing for three of the kids who bounded into the shallows leaping into the waves and falling getting caught up in the foamy froth the minute they were given permission. Minjung however, quietly came to sit next to her, pulling her knees up and resting her head on them. Gwiboon watched Minjung watch the others fun. She reached out and rubbed her hand up and down the girl’s back.

“You can go out there you know. It’s ok if you just stay where you get your feet wet and not go any further.”

“I wanna just stay here with you.”

“That’s okay too sweetie. I will never turn down your company.” She smiled at the girl drawing her over with one arm and placing a kiss to the top of her head.

Gwiboon rubbed her hand up and down her arm in reassurance trying to comfort the unease she could feel from the girl.

While Garson played in the water with the other children Commes des came and laid down, poking his nose in between the pair on the blanket and settling his head on his paws. Minjung petted him, softly stroking down his whole body and scratching back up it again making for one happy dog as she repeated the process over and over.

The matter of the water wasn’t quite settled though.

An hour later Minho flopped down in front of them, half on the blanket and half on the sand. Every inch of him was drenched but he looked like a happy dog flopped out to enjoy the sun. It made Gwiboon smile secretly to compare him to Commes des, who was now also rolled over and getting tummy rubs from Minjung. Gwiboon wondered cheekily what he’d do if she reached over and rubbed his belly too.

“I forgot just how tiring your siblings are,” he addressed Minjung panting. “What do you say we go have a quieter turn in the water huh? Come give your old man a break and just let me float.”

At first Minjung politely declined, but Minho was persistent and after a bit Minjung rose and followed her dad across the beach, past where her siblings were building sand castles, and to the edge of the water.

Gwiboon’s heart swelled with emotion as she watched Minho’s tenderness and strength as he led his little girl out into the lapping waters. He walked backward into the waves holding Minjung’s hands the whole time walking a few feet and stopping so she could adjust. With his back to the waves his body blocked much of the active motion of the water and wave so that it rolled around her and not into her.

Gwiboon couldn’t hear over the distance the conversation they were having but she should see both of their lips moving and noted how Minjung’s eyes never left Minho’s, and Minho’s never left Minjung’s. Unfolding in front of her was a very important trust exercise and it was on the verge of sending her digging through her purse for tissues. 

Bit by bit Minjung lost herself to the pleasures of the water. With the confidence that her father was going to be there to watch out for her, she soon was enjoying it as much as any of the others. Seeing it, Gwiboon wanted to pump her fist and jump on the beach she was so pleased. Minjung had conquered her fear. 

Being in a real family was changing Gwiboon. There was no doubt that she loved seeing their lows and their highs and their everything in between. Living life with them was amazing. Being with them give her a sense of belonging and purpose. Each little moment or word between them was being stored up in her heart like treasure and she was becoming greedy for more. 

Gwiboon loved the Choi siblings, wholly and undeniably.

Being around Minho was changing her too. She was becoming attached to this slightly clumsy, slightly broken, slightly wonderful man. And if she was honest with herself, she might just be falling a little bit in love with him too.


	4. Four

The invitation to join Jonghyun was an easy one to accept. Being the only two on the trip that didn’t wish to join in on the impromptu football game, Gwiboon and Jonghyun perched themselves on the edge of the open sliding door to the beat up VW and watched as the sun set behind the players.

Their stopping place for the night had actually turned out to be rather nice camping grounds. When the large grassy area had been spotted, it wasn’t long before a ball was borrowed from one of the other campers and a game had begun with all the staff. Everyone needed the down time and to blow off some energy. Even the kids were invited into the game.

“So, how’s the song going?”

Jonghyun grinned at her. “It’s done.”

“Really? I hadn’t heard!”

“Well, Minho and I are still arguing over the bridge, but other than that it’s done. He _thinks_ we are still working on it but I know he’s going to give in to me soon.”

Gwiboon laughed, “Well he better then, we only have a few more days on the road with you.”

“Yeah, there’s not much time.” Jonghyun fiddled with a fraying bit of carpet on the edge of the step where they sat.

“Not much time?” Gwiboon spared him a glance for only a moment before her gaze was locked back on the constantly moving players.

“Well, yeah. I mean that I really want it to be perfect, you know? It’s going to debut on Sketchbook when we get back and that show is no joke. I want everything that can be done to it tied up in a neat little bow, you know? I want to be sure about it going out there.”

“I didn’t know you were going on Sketchbook, Jonghyun,” she smacked his arm. “That’s so great! You’ve been on there before haven’t you? Your last comeback? It will be great promo for the song. I’m happy for you.” she gushed.

Now it was Jonghyun’s turn to laugh. “I _was_ on there before. It’s a great place to really showcase serious artists. I know the song is going to do well, it’s just nerve wracking sending it out there for people to hear, you know?”

“I can imagine it,” she grinned. 

“I love this song a lot and I love singing it too, but honestly you should really hear Minho singing it- it would blow you away.”

“Minho’s been humming a lot of it but I haven’t heard it really- from you or him. I am in great suspense.” 

Gwiboon felt at ease with Jonghyun and at ease with teasing him. Jonghyun had been a good friend to her on this trip. For whatever reason, he’d made up his mind to like her and to take pity on her novice nanny state. Striking up a conversation from the very beginning through text, he’d always been available to voice her needs too. Gwiboon leaned into him now and gently bumped his shoulder. “But you could change that and give me a personal preview,” she wheedled.

“What fun would that be? You need to hear it on the stage from the man himself in all his glory. That’s when it will have its best impact. I expect you to be amazed.”

Gwiboon stuck out her tongue at him and pouted through narrowed eyes and pursed lips.

“We’ll see about that Mister Big Shot Idol,” she laughed.

“Is everything going better with the kids now?” Jonghyun inquired, changing the subject.

“Yeah,” she said softly. “It’s going pretty great.” 

For a moment they both watched in amusement Minho carry Taemin by the armpits and lift him from the ground, running with the little boy in front of him. He acted like little Taemin was controlling the ball under Minho’s feet and the boy’s giggles could be heard across the field. 

It was adorable. Gwiboon’s face apparently showed her delight.

“You really love Minho’s kids, don’t you?”

“I think they are the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. It’s nice to have people who love you.”

Gwiboon could feel Jonghyun looking at her but she didn’t care to explain herself further. She kept her eyes focused on the field of players and hoped Jonghyun would move on. 

“Minho’s starting to mellow out some too, don’t you think?”

Apparently not.

“Yeah.”

“I know I was the one who asked him out here and all but he was kinda a tightass when we were starting out.”

“Yeah.”

“But he’s doing a lot better now huh? What do you think of him now?”

Minho and Taemin collapsed to the ground in victory over a shot that just made it in the boundaries of the makeshift goal. The little boy was tossed in the air by his father and shrieked in delight at the attention he was getting.

“He’s quickly becoming one of my favorite people.” Gwiboon smiled sadly, finally giving her attention to Jonghyun.

“But you aren’t his.”

“His children are finally becoming his. As they should be.” 

Confusion laced Jonghyun’s voice. “That doesn’t mean you can’t be a part of that too.” 

“Doesn’t it? Those kids lost an incredible mother and have been completely adrift for the last two years while their father drowned in his grief. Minho’s just beginning to want to fight and get his head above water again. That’s too important to mess up for any one person’s feelings. Those children deserve better than they’ve had. They deserve their father to come back to them.” She looked away before her feelings got the best of her. 

Jonghyun reached across her and placed his hands on either side of her head and gently turned her towards him. He looked in her eyes, his own reflecting an awe she didn’t understand. He sighed and smiled. “Kim Gwiboon, you are an amazing woman.”

“Thank you?” she said through squished lips, “I think.”

Jonghyun let her go and let out a hearty laugh.

“Gwiboon?”

“Minjung! Sweetie, where did you come from?” Gwiboon reached for the girl who had appeared out of nowhere and drew her into her lap. “Are you done playing? Did you have fun?”

Minjung shrugged a little. “It was pretty cool I guess. I just got tired and wanted to sit down so I came to find you.”

Gwiboon brushed the hair out of the girl’s eyes and pushed it behind her ear. She wondered how the girl had snuck up on her like that and how much of the conversation she had heard. If she was upset by hearing something, Minjung didn’t show it.

Gwiboon rested her forehead on the back of the little girl’s head, breathing in the scent of her flowery shampoo and the sharp tang of grass. It was sweet and comforting and she relished it. Hopefully her transparency with Jonghyun wouldn’t come back to bite her in the rear later. She and Minjung had become such good buddies and she didn’t want her to have a hint of how her feelings had begun to trend towards her father. Gwiboon didn’t want to ruin the trust that was between them. 

The three sat in companionable silence for a while longer until the setting of the sun brought an end to the game. As the last rays of golden light disappeared from in between the trees, Minho and the rest of the siblings made their way over to the waiting group. Minho flopped down onto the ground and sprawled, his long limbs stretching everywhere in front of the van. Junghee and Eunsook sat down next to their dad and Taemin made himself a spot between her and Jonghyun. They were a cozy picture. An exhausted, panting, sweaty, cozy picture that needed showers and their beds.

“Come on!” Gwiboon scooted Minjung from her lap and stood. “Time for bed guys. Let’s go.” The kids whined but they followed Gwiboon.

“Night Gwiboon.”

Gwiboon with both hands occupied grasping small ones looked back and called over her shoulder. “Goodnight Jonghyun. Behave yourself.”

The small man laughed.

 

~~  
Jonghyun’s laugh was grating on Minho’s nerves as he lay in the grass and tried to catch his breath.

“You look done in. Looks like those kids really took it out of you.”

“Looks like you and Gwiboon are getting pretty close.” Minho shot back at the idol, annoyance dripping from his tone. 

The laughing stopped.

“So what? Would that bother you if we were?”

“No.”

“Then why are you bringing it up?”

“Why are you being obnoxious about it?” Minho was getting more annoyed by the second and he didn’t understand why. He just knew he’d kinda like to drag the smaller man off his perch in that stupid pretentious hipster van and get in a few shots to his midsection, or maybe even his face. He wanted to bring him down a peg or two and punish him for gaining Gwiboon’s attention.

The situation was devolving quickly in his mind.

“Me! Being obnoxious! You’ve got to be kidding me Minho! Right now there’s only one of us being obnoxious and it’s not me.”

“Whatever.” Minho sat up and braced his arms on his knees, resting his head on top.

“It’s obviously upset you to see me hanging with Gwiboon. The question is why? Can’t a girl get a break from the kids and talk to another adult for a little while? Can’t she talk to whomever she wants to?”

“Of course she can!”

“Then why are you acting like this?”

Silence permeated the blackness of the night and wrapped itself around them. Minho felt the stillness right through to his soul and he drew in deep breaths trying to balance the spike of emotion he felt inside with the peace around him.

There was no logical reason for him to be acting the way he was. He knew it. It didn’t stop the flame of heat that licked through him when he’d looked from the game to the sidelines and seen his friend interacting with his nanny. 

Seen them laughing.

Seen them touching.

Jonghyun looked like he owned the world receiving her smiles and her looks.

It made Minho… jealous.

Jealous.

Minho grabbed his head in his hands and dragged his fingers down his face, sucking in and sighing out a deep breath of air. He looked at Jonghyun and held the eyes that were already on him, watching, seeing.

“You have feelings for Gwiboon.”

It wasn’t a question and Minho knew it.

“I don’t know if that’s any of your business.”

“Sure it is, if I hadn’t dragged you out here together, you would be probably living with her right under your nose and completely ignoring her for the rest of eternity. Out here, she’s real and living and breathing and fabulous- and you couldn’t ignore that even if you were living half dead and pathetic.”

“I don’t want to talk about this.”

“I think you should talk about it.” Jonghyun’s tone was soft and Minho could hear the concern there. “I mean if you don’t talk about it with me you’re just going to keep bottling stuff up like you’ve done for the past few years. I know I’m only an idol but even I know that isn’t good for anyone. Don’t you think it’s time you started following your dreams again? You’re my friend, I want to see you happy.”

“I don’t think I know how to be happy anymore.”

“You looked pretty happy the other day when you were singing songs to your girls. You looked pretty happy when you danced Gwiboon around the parking lot to that silly kid’s song you were singing. You laughed, Gwiboon laughed, the kids all laughed. I think you know exactly what makes you happy now. So what are you doing sitting around here getting angry at me for being kind to Gwiboon? Don’t play the fool Minho. If you want her, go get her.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“I don’t think it’s that complicated. Two people love each other,” He gestured with his hands, making an exaggerated heart. “They tell each other, they fall in love, they pledge their lives together and then you make more of those adorable little rugrats you have running around!” Each of Jonghyun’s statements had a hand motion more elaborate than the next, it was ridiculous and it made Minho laugh.

Minho dropped his knees flat to the ground and bent low with his hands in front of him repeating the motion several times. “Yes, oh great wise one! Your words of wisdom have spoken to me!”

Jonghyun got up and kicked him in his thigh. “See if I ever give you any advice again!”

Minho fell over laughing and grabbed Jonghyun’s leg as he tried to walk away. The two had a battle of wills and strength but in the end Jonghyun ended up on the ground next to Minho. They both grappled for a few minutes but the conflict ended when Jonghyun planted him face first into the dirt and held him there by the neck as he settled onto the taller man’s back.

“Give up?”

“Fine, whatever!” Minho struggled to throw Jonghyun off of him as the other relented and he sat up. Together they sat side by side in the dirt and regained their breath. 

“Dreams are really important Minho.” Jonghyun spoke carefully. “You’re a songwriter you should know that. And beyond writing it in songs you’ve experienced it before. You had amazing things you were doing with your life. Dreams that you chased and followed after. And yes, you have suffered a lot of tragedy losing someone precious to you but your dreams are out there waiting for you to believe in them again. And I really think that they are dreams that can include special people too. It’s not time to give up; it’s time to keep fighting.” 

Minho felt the weight of what the other said fall heavy on his shoulders and his mind. It wasn’t like what Jonghyun said was untrue, at least most of it, but he still reared back at the thought of picking up the fragments of a dream that was shattered- no matter how long he had safely held it before the crash. If anything, losing his dreams had taught him that nothing is forever, nothing was safe. How could he risk dreaming about his career again much less dreaming about finding out if he could really love Gwiboon? His mind was spinning in too many different directions and he didn’t know how to pin the thoughts down.

“You can laugh all you want now and mock my ‘wise words’ but don’t screw this up Minho. If you are falling in love with her, do something about it. Don’t let her go. You’ll regret it. Your dreams won’t sit still forever and neither will I.”

Jonghyun got up and left Minho on the ground with his thoughts. Dew seeped into the seat of his pants and he realized there was so much dirt on him from earlier that he might petrify if he sat here any longer.

If only he could grow up to be like Jonghyun who knew what he wanted and wasn’t afraid to go after it. 

Dirt be hanged. Minho flopped back into the grass and sighed.

 

~~  
Gwiboon stood with Taemin perched on her hip in front of a massive stone gate that arched high above the walkway on which they stood. The sisters stood shoulder to shoulder on either side of her as they appraised the edifice and no one spoke.

“Do we have to go in?” asked Eunsook. “It looks kinda creepy.”

“It’s not creepy it’s just old,” offered Junghee, offended that anything so beautiful and grand could be so maligned.

“Old _is_ creepy, duh.” Her twin refused to back down.

“Girls, we are not going to argue about this. This is a beautiful nature walk we are going on today and there just happens to be a very old, not creepy, temple along the way. We are going to enjoy ourselves and we are going to remember to be respectful of the grounds and the people who are here. Got it?”

A murmur of yesses chorused.

Gwiboon led her small charges through the gate and felt like she had stepped back in time a few hundred years.

The pale dirt walkways led them right into the heart of the grounds. The noise of the temple was heard before it was seen. Somewhere, a cymbal clanged rapidly and repeatedly accompanied by the slower steady bong of what Gwiboon guessed had to be a rather large gong if its deep resonance were anything to go by. When they did come to them, the buildings rose high and proud, ornately decorated inside and out. They were meticulously cared for and not a blade of grass stepped beyond the bounds of the designated lawn nor did a clump of dirt dare land upon any paved area crowded with worshippers.

The noise and the busyness were unanticipated by Gwiboon as she led the girls through the crowd. She was eager to get to the sea and to a more subdued locale. Online she had seen the most beautiful views and the sea had crashed majestically at the bottom of the cliffside. Little houses had dotted the tops of the cliff strung together with stone walkways that people could hike up and down. It had looked like the perfect leisurely active outing for their last day on the road. After three nonstop weeks of children and travel, Gwiboon felt like she’d earned an easy day.

Before they could even get to the ocean however, Gwiboon turned a corner in the pathway and they found themselves in the middle of the most beautiful rainbow of colors. Overhead of them, paper lanterns hung in every hue of the most perfect rainbow. The way the metal structure on which they hung, curved from one side to the other only amplified the effect.

It was beautiful.

The each of them was stunned.

“It’s mama’s rainbow,” breathed Junghee.

“Look! Look!” Eunsook took off running down the path.

“Wait for us.” Gwiboon warned. She set Taemin down and made him walk. As much as she loved the child, her back was killing her from the strain of carrying him so long. He wouldn’t suffer for walking a bit.

Soon enough, the group caught up to the overeager girl and Gwiboon saw what had made her so excited. There was a man sitting on a little stool with a little wooden table in front of him. He was carefully crafting the delicate paper into the shapes that hung overhead.

Suddenly Gwiboon had an idea.

“Sir,” she addressed the man, “could we hang lanterns too?”

“Yes, yes!” the man replied with a cordial chuckle. “There are many lanterns to be hung and an old man like me always appreciates some strong young arms and legs!”

“That’s great!”

“Would you like to put a name on the lanterns and honor someone special?”

A ripple went through the kids and Gwiboon couldn’t tell if they were excited or fearful. They stood in a cluster and looked back and forth between themselves seeming to try and make a decision.

“Can we have mama’s name on them,” Minjung finally asked, “please Gwiboon?”

“Of course darlings,” she knelt to their level and stroked Minjung’s hair. “Of course you can. I think it would be a lovely thing to honor your mother with a lantern.”

“It has to be a rainbow one.” Junghee told her. 

“Yes, cause that was mama’s favorite,” finished Eunsook.

“How does a rainbow lantern sound to you Taeminnie?” she poked at the little boy’s belly.

“Yeah!” he complied easily.

“A rainbow one it is then!”

Gwiboon made their request and the group stood watching keenly as the old gentlemen cut, folded, and pasted strips of paper around the small wire frame with ease. In a little bit, the lantern was finished. Gwiboon led the children off to the side and sat down on the grass just outside of the tunnel of colors. Four small bodies pressed into her closely as she carefully copied the name onto the elegant paper and presented it for them all to see.

“This lantern is for remembering you mama and for wishing her peace in the place she is now. I know that she is someone each one of you loved very much. Just because she is gone now, doesn’t mean that your love for her stops. You are all little now, but as you grow up, and as you grow in your hearts, you will understand that your mama will forever live inside you.” Gwiboon paused, unsure if she should continue.

“My mama died too when I was young and I still remember all the things that made her special to me. Each one of you will remember different things about your mama too, cherish that, make it your little treasure.” She reached out to touch Minjung’s leg and rubbed gently the cap of her knee.

“And you older girls should help Taeminnie too because he doesn’t have so many things saved up inside of him, he will need to borrow your memories as he grows up. Be kind to him and to each other, be people your mother would be proud of. We are going to put this lantern up today so other people will know and remember her but the real way we honor someone who has passed is by what we keep in our hearts. Each one of you has a lantern flame inside of you that will never burn out and will always be there to guide you in your lives. Do you understand darlings?”

Quiet yesses again chorused around her.

Gwiboon passed the lantern around the circle for each of them to touch. She could feel their need to connect and to have something tactile in their hands, not out of reach like Sooyoung was to them. When the orb reached Taemin, he handled it awkwardly, like he didn’t know whether he was to hold on or let go. He shoved it back towards Junghee on his left and dove into Gwiboon’s lap bursting into tears. 

“Oh darling! What’s wrong?”

“I don’t remember mama,” he wailed out desperately.

Gwiboon scooped the boy up as she fought the tears pricking at her eyes. “No Taeminnie, no. You do, I promise you do baby. But those are things that you haven’t thought about in such a long time because you have been _so busy_ and _happy_ playing with your sisters and Uncle Jinki. And that’s the way your mama would want it, she wants you happy baby and not thinking about missing her right now. I promise you that Mama is still down inside of you, but it’s ok not to think of her all the time.”

Gwiboon rocked the quieting Taemin from side to side in a gentle rhythm. She looked up at the girls and saw their faces also wet, also questioning. “That goes for you girls too. You should honor your mama but you need to keep going on living too. The best way for you to keep feeding that flame inside of you is to keep feeding it with life. Come on, let’s go hang this up now.”

They rose together, a bumbling mess of limbs, wiping the drying tear tracks from their eyes and brushing stray bits of grass from their legs. Gwiboon stood back and watched as the old man rejoined them and led the children under the canopy again. Using a staff with a hook on the end he easily transferred the paper sculpture to a hook above where it dangled freely in the soft breeze blowing in off the ocean. 

Gwiboon watched the joy on the little faces that looked upward. The sun’s rays were penetrating the canopy of color and casting beams of every hue across their faces as they played amongst the dancing patterns. Such a small thing as a lantern had made them so happy. But she knew that the happiness of having been heard and in hearing, of being allowed to feel- and having those feelings validated- far outweighed the sadness of talking about their mother and gave a far greater happiness.

It was a bittersweet sight.

She wished for someone to take these children into their heart and continue to care for them as they grew and matured. She wished that the grief that still ran close to the surface with each of them would heal and the grief would take its place in things past. It’s a job she felt ready to take on. For as long as it took, even if it took forever. It was a shocking thought to her. She had bounced around so much, not just from job to job, but from rock to hard place in her life to the point she never thought she would find peace, find the place she belonged. To find this love, this family, now, was a little bit of a miracle. Gwiboon swallowed thickly around the knot in her throat. That choice to stay, to make them her family really wasn’t hers and she knew it. She was an employee at the call and disposal of her employer, an employer whose heart remained something of a mystery to her.

She sighed. Her thoughts may run in circles all they wanted to later but right now she had a passel of children running in circles to corral. 

“Come on darlings,” she motioned to take their hands, “we need to move forward.”

 

~~~  
Minho was unprepared for anything at lay on the other side of the camper door as he swung it wide and stepped into his temporary home. His kids were all dressed and ready for bed and were jumping around the cushions on all the seats of the camper engaged in what appeared to be a rousing game of ‘the floor is lava’. In their midst sat Jonghyun in baggy shorts and a sagging tank top giggling his head off as he shouted directions and pointers to the boisterous players.

If you’d told him a month ago that The Idol Jonghyun would be babysitting his children, he would have called you an idiot. Now, as he witnessed the sight, he only thought about how funny it was to see his friend in such a position and marveled at how much had changed in such a small amount of time.

“Woah! What’s going on here!” he called out laughing.

“Daddy! Daddy!” screamed the small voices.

“What are you even doing here?” he looked to Jonghyun as he picked up Junghee, who immediately threw her arms around his neck giving him a hug that could be mistaken for strangulation. 

“Oh, well, Gwiboon had an emergency call and rushed back to Seoul an hour or so ago. You weren’t here so she asked me to come and make sure the kids got to sleep alright and wait till you got back.” Jonghyun scratched the back of his head and looked up at Minho through his eyebrows, “I kinda only did one of those things.”

“You are completely useless. If you ever have kids I pity their mother, the poor woman will never get any peace and order with you around.”

Jonghyun laughed heartily but looked sheepish.

“What can I say? I’m too much fun to be around. Everybody loves me. I’m the life of the party,” he teased.

“Whatever. What was so important that Gwiboon ran off and left my children with you?” 

“Uh, I don’t know. Something about a friend maybe? She wasn’t real specific and she was kinda upset. I figured it must be important since it couldn’t wait till we got back tomorrow.”

Minho grunted, not completely satisfied with the answer and able to do little about it.

“Well when is she coming back? Is she staying in the city all night?”

“I don’t think so, but I think it might be pretty late before she gets here.”

“Daddy!” said Junghee grabbing his cheeks and turning his face towards her, “Daddy, Gwiboon took us to the temple today and we hung a lantern for Mama!”

“What?”

“Yeah and it was a rainbow!” added Taemin who’d somehow climbed onto the table top unnoticed. Jonghyun stood up and lifted the boy to the floor, making faces at him the whole time and receiving them in return.

“A rainbow?” He lowered Junghee’s hands from his face with a tug. 

“It was really pretty Daddy. I think Mama would like it.” Minjung offered quietly.

“And it’s going to last for a long time like our memories of Mama and everybody’s going to see it and see how much we love her and how she’s apart of us.” Eunsook stated confidently.

“What?” Minho was not happy with anything he was hearing and he was having trouble processing the lead weight in his chest the girl’s words had landed there. “What has been going on here today?” he looked to Jonghyun in confusion, his temples beginning to throb.

“That you will have to consult Gwiboon on, I’m just the babysitter.” He clapped Minho on the shoulder and squeezed and patted as he maneuvered around the taller man. “All I can tell you is that from all I heard they had a pretty important day.”

Jonghyun left without another word and Minho took a deep breath trying to control the anger building inside of him.

“Alright, everybody in bed! Now!”

 

~~~  
It was close to one in the morning when the taxi pulled to the edge of the parking lot and dropped a very weary looking Kim Gwiboon off. Minho watched her pick her way through the broken and pitted tarmac and make her way towards where he sat hunched in front of the camper. 

He had been sitting there for hours and wondering again just how it was that one woman could cause so much turmoil in his life in such a short time-span. Everything was fine before she got there, before she had befriended his children, before she pulled off all his scabs. Now he was open and exposed and he didn’t know how to cover up all the places where her kindness had begun to leach out the bitterness he had been holding on to. The places where love had begun to give him hope. He had started to let go of the past but him letting go was proving just as painful as the holding on and he didn’t think he could keep doing it. Part of him felt the relief of letting go like a calming balm on his soul. But how she infuriated him too! She pushed too far, too hard. She touched things she shouldn’t and made him ache deep in his heart.

She brought up things he wanted to forget.

Minho never knew it could hurt so much to hear his children talk about their mother. Hearing them talk brightly about her tonight and express their love for her as he’d tucked them in their beds had ripped a scar off that ran deep and ugly in his soul. He didn’t know where she got off bringing all that up to them, but it was something that he couldn’t let go.

The longer he had waited for her, the more his heart burned in him bleeding and monstrous. He didn’t know what to do anymore but push back. 

“You’re back.”

Gwiboon startled and he saw her grip her purse tightly to her body as she searched for the voice. He stood and walked towards her coming out of the shadows.

“Oh, Minho! It’s just you!” she let out a shaky breath.

“I heard you had an eventful day.”

“Yeah, it has been.”

“What do you think you’re doing?” he bit out.

“I promise it was an emergency! I know it was asking a lot to leave the kids with Jonghyun but my friend was in an accident and I’m their guardian, the hospital called cause they needed me to make some decisions an-”

“I’m not talking about that. I’m not exactly thrilled that you ran off and left my kids with Jonghyun- who happens to be why we are all on this trip and who is a very important person. I can’t believe you bothered him and asked him to play _babysitter_ of all things!”

“I kno-”

“No don’t,” his words were clipped and he could see her flinch at them. “I don’t want to know. Right now the thing I _do_ want to know about is you taking the kids to the temple today and talking to them about their mother. What on earth gives you the right to talk to them about that stuff?”

“Excuse me?”

“They are too little to be bringing that stuff up with them! They don’t understand what happened. They don’t need you putting stupid ideas in their head about flames and lanterns! They don’t need to be burdened by death. What you did was really harmful to them. They may not understand that but it is and you did. You harmed my children by your careless words.” His jaw clenched and twitched as he bit off any more words from spilling out.

“Are you kidding me now? Are you truly serious?” Gwiboon’s brow was furrowed in deep lines and her head tilted to one side looking him up and down.

“Of course I am.”

Minho could see the fire in her eyes then, it ignited from a spark to a flame that licked up her spine and made her weary posture stiffen and square up with him, ready to fight.

But this was a fight he couldn’t let her win.

“Do you have any idea about your children at all? Do you have any idea about who they really are and what they can really understand? I don’t think you do because if you did you wouldn’t spout such nonsense! Your Minjung is strong- strong beyond what you realize, and Eunsook and Junghee are fighting to keep up with their sister and follow her example and take care of themselves. They think that you hung the moon and stars and they want to love you and be loved by you so very much. And Taemin,” she huffed, “Taemin just wants to have your attention and be with you. He’s starved for someone to lead him and protect him and love him! That’s your job. Remember? I thought you’d finally gotten that through your thick skull but apparently not. Apparently you still are at square one with a stick up your butt and your head in the sand.” She took a breath from her tirade and started in on him again before he could say a word.

“I am not harming them to talk to them about their mother! But you know what’s harming them right now? It’s a father that acts like they all died with their mother.”

Minho stumbled back a step as if she’d physically slapped him.

“They need you more than anything Minho. More than trips to the amusement park or Minjung playing mommy to them all and protecting them. They. Need. You. And you’ve forgotten all about them. They represent more than your loss. They represent all the good that you and your wife did and made together. They should be your _celebration,_ not your curse.” Gwiboon reached out to him and grasped his arm, entreating him. “Stop treating them like it and you’ll discover you have the best gift ever- the unconditional love of a child, of family. And no one can take that away.” 

Minho and Gwiboon stood opposite of each other with no more than a few inches in between and stared off. He knew she had spoken the truth but it sat uncomfortably on his heart and clawed fresh marks through his heart. It was the kind of uncomfortable truth that gets under your skin and crawls up your spine. The kind of truth that demands your attention.

 

Gwiboon leaned close to him catching his eye and speaking low in his ear. “I’m not a robot Minho and neither are you. Wake up before you lose the things that are the most important to you. Wake up before you lose the people who want to love you.”

Minho drew back and stared dead at her. “I think that’s quite enough of your opinions Miss Kim. If you can’t respect my decisions, then maybe you shouldn’t be taking care of my children.”

Gwiboon stepped back and the grief on her face was plain. He felt like a monster.   
“No, don’t say that. Don’t make them go through another loss. Don’t make me leave them.” Her voice wavered and for a minute his heart wavered along with it but he couldn’t let her win. He couldn’t let her keep ripping up his heart.

“You’re fired Gwiboon. Pack your stuff and go, don’t wake up the kids.”

“You’re not going to let me say goodbye to them?” she shouted at him.

“I think that would be best for everybody.” Gwiboon looked at him like she was ready to claw him to pieces with her bare hands and the fierceness of it sent a shiver slinking down his spine.

“You are a cruel man Choi Minho. Your wife would be ashamed of what you’ve become.”


	5. Five

Gwiboon woke in her own bed, her dogs at her feet and the cool breeze of her ceiling fan wafting over her.

There were no small bodies beside her winding their arms around her.

There were no whispered shouts of siblings arguing while trying not to get caught waking her.

There was no need to get up and make breakfast because there were no children for her to feed.

There was only the deep ache in her heart and the puffiness of her eyes.

She rolled over bringing the blanket with her. She hid within its folds and cried herself back to sleep. 

 

~~~  
“Minho, I need you to be at the studio tomorrow. Jonghyun wants you there to help him go everything before Sketchbook on Saturday night.”

“I don’t want to go.”

“This isn’t optional Minho, you are still under contract with Jonghyun and you need to fulfill your end of the deal or else you don’t get your final payment.”

“Jinki!”

“Minho.”

“What the hell kind of manager are you?”

_“Minho.”_

“I hate you.”

“I’ll pick you up at ten tomorrow morning.” The line went dead and Minho threw his phone down on the desk and looked at it with disgust.

He leaned back in his chair and looked round the empty room around him. The lights were out and curtains drawn, the door barred to any who wished to enter, any who wished to escape. He was in his own personal purgatory, unable to go back, unwilling to move forward. He’d behaved like a beast to Gwiboon and now he deserved to wallow like one.

Minho had spent the last three days here since they returned in a depression that laid him low and finally, blissfully, numbed his raging emotions. The shower had been unappealing and he hadn’t changed out of the tee that he’d donned as soon as they’d arrived back. He hadn’t really cared about food either. The most responsible thing he’d managed to do was make sure the fridge was well stocked with ready-made foods before he’d sent the kids to their room. Setting up Netflix, he only told his children Gwiboon had an emergency before leaving them to their own devices. He drowned out the questions that followed him into the hallway and retreated to his study. 

He was wallowing and he didn’t want to care about anything. 

Jinki had been nothing but mean to him since they had returned from the road. He flat out refused to find him another nanny or to help him in any way with the care of the children. His words on the matter had been angry and pointed and had left Minho with the sick feeling that he’d done something truly horrible.

Only thing was, he knew horrible didn’t cover it. 

 

~~~  
The day in the studio was grueling. Jonghyun, who had previously sung every note and bar of the newly composed song flawlessly, now bumbled through them. The notes were wrong, the tone was wrong, the feeling was so, so wrong. Under compulsion, Minho had joined him at the mic and carried the duet guiding Jonghyun through.

 

_But my sadness is comforted by you_  
The world in my heart is shaking  
But it calms me 

 

The warmth of the lyrics grated at him and brought a conviction so deep his stomach twisted with a sick roll.

When the band broke, Minho made beeline for the door but was blocked by Jinki’s imposing form. “It’s time we sit down and have a chat. There’s someone you need to meet.”

“Jinki, I’m really not in the mood for-”

“Sit down, Minho.” Minho looked around him and felt like he was being called to the principal’s office. Jonghyun shuffled in behind him into the small sound tech room and a sharply dressed man entered in behind Jinki. Minho was herded into a chair that scooted and swiveled as he plopped into it and looked up at the trio that settled in around him. Jonghyun perched himself on the table’s edge, the slicked-up man a chair, and Jinki leaned on the doorframe, arms crossed, looking like a nightclub bouncer. 

His eyes bounced from one man to the other not knowing who to seek answers from. Finally he settled in on Jonghyun whose gaze was direct and honest.

“How did you feel about our session today?”

“Our session? Your session.” Minho’s face scrunched. “You seemed to be feeling a little off today, you didn’t seem to be yourself.”

“True,” Jonghyun acknowledged with a small smile his lips twisting to conceal something larger. “But you sounded pretty amazing. How did you feel about your singing?”

Minho frowned looking to Jinki and then the man in the three-piece suit before returning to Jonghyun. “I don’t know, it was alright I guess. But I’m not the idol here I don’t have to sound good. I’m just here to get you through this practice.”

Jonghyun smiled at him and it was fond and held a twinkle of excitement.

“What if you weren’t?”

“What?”

“What if you weren’t here for me but for you?”

“Jjong stop fooling around, you aren’t making any sense.”

“Minho I want you to meet my company CEO Kim Kibum,” Minho glanced at the man who tilted his head in a nod and smiled warmly at him, “he’s been following you for a while now and he’d like to sign you to a contract immediately. He’s prepared to let you debut tomorrow on Sketchbook with the song we wrote.”

“What?” Minho’s throat was dry as bones and his brain was moving far too slowly to comprehend what was happening. “That’s not possible.”

“Minho, I realize this is all a pretty big shock to you,” the man in the pinstripes offered, “but the offer is genuine. I’ve been in contact with Jinki for a while now and he told me how…reluctant you might be to consider such an offer so he suggested this little…diversion…to reawaken the love I know you’ve had for making music. I’d hoped that I could convince you to take a leap of faith and pursue the dream you used to want- but this time with a completely fresh start. Everything is ready. All you have to do is say yes.” 

Minho laughed aloud, bitter and brittle.

“You can’t possibly be serious. This isn’t real. This isn’t how things are done.” He looked from on to another but each were unflinching. “My singing days are over, that’s not who I am and not what I do any more.”

“That’s not what Jonghyun tells me.”

“Jonghyun’s wrong.”

“No! I’m not. I’m not Minho. I admit that I wasn’t so sure when all this started but the longer we’ve spent together the more I’m convinced that you absolutely can do this- that you absolutely should be doing this. Your voice deserves to be heard, you deserve to be heard.”

Minho looked to Jinki and he nodded, approval, encouragement.

The sincerity in Jonghyun’s voice pierced Minho like the fine point of an arrow, moving past the barrier to his heart it wound deep latching onto the fibers there and securing a hold on him. He was pinned and unable to struggle any more.

“I have the contract here,” said CEO Kim, extending an envelope towards him, “would you like to look it over?”

Minho reached out his hand.

 

~~~  
Minho shuffled into his study with Jinki at his heels. The ride home from the studio had been silent, Minho processing and Jinki giving him room to do so but now it was time to be real and honest.

Minho plopped in the middle of the red monster and sunk into the cool leather in relief.

“How did this happen Jinks? I can’t even wrap my mind around it. I don’t- I don’t understand.”

Jinki settled into the armchair and shrugged his shoulders. “It was time. I couldn’t stand to see you like this anymore, wasting away and acting like your life was over. I know it was a little, um, drastic to do what I did but when the opportunity came- I couldn’t say no.

“I’ve been your friend for a long time, even before I became your manager, and even more than wasting your talents, it’s killed me to see a once loving and involved father who adored and doted on his children withdraw and throw away family and love. To throw away the kindness and tenderness you’ve always had at your core, Minho. I had to try and do something.”

Minho’s throat was tight and his eyes were growing wet. 

“It’s difficult being someone who’s comforting to someone’s everyday moments and to be someone who pours out yourself for other people,” Minho began, “but I did always like giving out that positive energy- but now,” he hesitated, “my whole outlook turned so negative. I’m the one who’s a drain, I’m the one who’s ruined my family.” His tears began flowing in earnest.

“You haven’t ruined your family,” Jinki slid onto the couch next to him and began rubbing his shoulders, his other hand on Minho’s arm. “You’ve been in a dark place but if you can recognize your mistakes you can put them to rights. They are still young and there is still time. It’s never too late if you are willing to change.”

“I don’t deserve any of this Jinki- I don’t deserve a second chance at life, or my kids, or my career. And Gwiboon! Jinks, I _drove_ her away and she has every reason to hate me for the rest of my life.” Minho swore, disgusted with himself and his poor choices. “I’ve ruined any chance I may have had with Gwiboon. The kids might forgive me in time and let me repair things- but she won’t- she shouldn’t. I was so horrible to her.” Minho gulped in air trying to stop the tide of grief that was rolling up inside of him. “Jinks how can I change everything on a dime? How can I just walk into singing again? This is so insane. I don’t deserve this.”

“Maybe not, but it is being offered to you. They want you, and I know you still want your dream.” Jinki looked him in the eye growing serious. “I know it’s still inside of you to chase it- so chase it. Follow your rainbow Minho.” 

Minho’s sob broke out of his body like it was the first day of his grief all over again but in his heart there was a stirring of something that was long forgotten and suppressed.

Something that felt like life and hope for a future.

Minho leaned into his friend, soaking Jinki’s t-shirt with his tears, and let the tide of repressed pain and constant sadness roll out of him.

 

~~~  
Minho’s pen dragged over the paper in quick rough scratches. His eyes were still puffy from all the tears he’d shed the night before but his hands were steady as he signed the document that officially marked his new beginning.

Hope stirred in him and he was nervous but excited to see where this took him.

An hour later he was under the direction of a team of stylists that were eager to initiate his rebirth and transform him into an idol.

 

~~~  
“Daddy this is so exciting!” Junghee called to him as she leapt into his arms and settled into his lap. 

Minho chuckled at his little girl’s enthusiasm and looked up to see the rest of the crew walking in shepherded by Jinki. Eunsook and Taemin were filled with wonder their eyes wide and taking in everything. Minjung held to the back of the group face neutral but eyes guarded.

“It _is_ exciting sweetie. I’m so glad you’re here daddy was missing you.”

“Really?” The genuine question in her tone made him ache at how he’d given her that room to doubt him on such a thing. It was something he was ready to set right.

“Really Jungie, daddy missed you a lot.” The girl beamed.

Minho brought all the kids close, Taemin crawling on his lap opposite Junghee the other two sitting on the coffee table in front of the chair.

“I am really happy all of you are here. I wanted to talk to all of you together,” he took a deep breath and dove in, “Daddy has something important to tell you all. But before I do, I need to apologize to each one of you. I have not been the daddy I should have been to you. I was very selfish after your mama died and thought only about me when I should have been thinking about you too. I tried to hide from how hurt and sad I was and it didn’t make me feel better and it only hurt you and made you sad.” Minho tried to hold back the tears gathering in his eyes but they once again spilled over. “I was wrong. Can you forgive daddy?”

All was quiet in the room for several long minutes. Eunsook finally stood and looked into his eyes.

“Are you coming back to us?

“Yes baby, I’m coming back to you. I want us to be the family that your mama would have wanted us to be. Can we do that?” He looked at each one of them, waiting.

“Yes.” she said, leaning against his knee, ready to fall into his lap with the other two.

“Yes?” Minho asked Junghee.

“Yes Daddy.”

“Yes?” He asked Taemin.

“Yes.” The boy nodded. 

“Mingung?” He reached towards her around the ones in his arms and held his hand out to her.

“Yes,” she said bursting into tears and fell into his lap. Minho’s arms were filled with wiggling, giggling, tearful faces and his heart was full of happiness. After so long he couldn’t get enough of the love pouring from the ones he loved and who loved him.

“Now guys,” he said kissing Taemin’s head, “I need to tell you about what daddy’s going to do today.” 

 

~~~  
Gwiboon twisted the scarf around her neck back and forth, unsettled by the feel of it around her throat and wondered why she’d worn something that strangled her so. She had no reason to dress up for this occasion yet she had. She told herself it was because she wanted to feel her best heading into a situation that gave her pause, but there was a small part of her that had put on the baby pink blouse and softly flowing black skater skirt for someone else. 

Today curiosity was driving her more than the anger or disappointment that had been at the front of her mind and emotions for the past few days. At first, when Jinki had come to her, she had wanted only kind words and news about the kids. It had been a shock to hear all of what he had placed her into when he asked her to nanny for Minho. For an hour afterwards, she had delivered question after question- and few glancing blows to Jinki’s arms as he uncovered all that had been hidden about Minho’s sojourn with Jonghyun and how Minho had finally reached rock bottom and was ready to begin again.

It had been a lot to take in. A lot to question her own heart over.

Today she wanted to see if Jinki could be right. She wanted- beyond all sense- to give Minho that chance Jinki said he could use… and maybe she just was hoping that her own fresh hopes hadn’t come to an end.

Now that she was here, she felt half like running away- and half like searching him out but instead, she remained rooted to a spot just inside the doors. She knew Jinki had arranged for her ticket, she knew it would be a good seat but she couldn’t bring herself to walk down the aisle and find it. Instead she hovered at the back of the auditorium looking over everyone and pretending not to notice the inquiring glances of the security guards. 

The lights dimmed. The cameras rolled. The show began.

One act passed, then two and Gwiboon began to fidget with her scarf once more.

The stage crew came out and again reset the stage, two stools were placed beside each other and a lone mic was placed and adjusted upwards. This was it.

Gwiboon held her breath.

 

~~~  
Minho didn’t know how he managed to hold himself together through the interview with the host but he was pretty sure he had managed not to make himself an outcast on his first day as an idol and that was as good as a beginning as any. Now, as he held the classically styled mic between his hands and the music swelled behind him, the violin played its solo. Anxiety began to niggle at him and he touched the charm around his neck, rubbing the curved ridges in its design and imagining the colors he knew so well. It calmed him like nothing else could. 

He closed his eyes and let his voice soar.

The first few notes wobbled, his nerves leaking out of them but with every word, every note, they grew stronger. This song expressed so much of the emotions that were in him. So much of the journey he’d taken. He still marveled over how Jonghyun had been able to draw it from him.

 

_At the end of a busy day_  
Emptiness is always there  
When the road is dark and strange  
And I feel alone  
But my sadness is comforted by you  
The world in my heart is shaking  
But it calms me 

 

A silent wish went out from his soul that somehow, eventually, the words would reach the person he most wished to hear them.

Line after line he continued, the music filling him and his voice filling the hall with the notes of his heartbeat. He cycled through the chorus again and was headed into the bridge when he saw her. Gwiboon emerged from the shadows like a specter and step by step came closer to him till she was halfway down the aisle looking up at him. Their eyes locked and he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He didn’t know why she was here after everything or why her spice colored eyes were filled with tears. All he knew was she was gorgeous and his heart raced at seeing her again.

Every word was for her and her alone now.

If he had any chance with her at all he was going to take it. 

The final chorus came and his voice spilled over thick with emotion as the words came ardently now urging him into the end of the song. Everything stilled around him as the music dropped away and the last line fell from his lips in a whisper.

 

_I missed you  
I’ll smile and say hello_

 

Gwiboon face broke into a tiny smile and Minho had never seen a sight more thrilling.

The stage went dark and he let out the breath he’d been holding.

 

~~~  
Minho paced in his waiting room. He had practically run from the stage when he was finished filming ready to find Gwiboon and talk to her. What was waiting for him, however, was a few lounging stylists.

Minho couldn’t understand where everyone was when he expected the place to be filled with people and no one in the room could be bothered to tell him either.

Jinki wasn’t answering his calls and he was going to go crazy before he could figure out what to do. He was seriously considering running through the halls and searching the building for Gwiboon when Jinki came through the door, arm slipped around the waist of the very girl in question. He looked between the two and his breath caught in his chest seeing how familiar they were together. 

“Jinki?”

“I found someone hanging around that I thought you’d like to see.”

“You two know each other?” Minho’s voice sounded high and tighter than he wished.

“Well, about that,” Jinki glanced at Gwiboon, “um, Gwiboon’s my cousin. Well, my second cousin but still. Yeah.” His smile was mischievous and there was a twinkle in his eye.

“Your cousin?” Minho couldn’t believe his ears. It was like all his senses were going to fail him today. “Jinki, you,” he swore, “you set me up! You set _everything_ up!” He felt like collapsing back into a chair because he was pretty sure his knees would be the next to go. He looked at Gwiboon and she lifted her shoulders in a shrug that was accompanied by a timid smile.

“Just for the record is there anything else you’re forgetting to tell me?”

“Nope,” Jinki answered, popping his p’s.

Jinki’s answer was distant in Minho’s mind, a detail cataloged for later. Right now his full attentions were on Gwiboon alone. His gaze was met steadily neither willing to look away. 

“Hey Jinki, maybe you should go find my kids.”

Jinki looked between the two and smirked. “Sure thing Min.”

The room went still when Jinki left. Everyone else disappearing, every other noise evaporating. All that was left were two people, twin hesitating breaths, and the crackling of tension between them.

Gwiboon looked away from him.

“I was an asshole.”

Gwiboon’s eyes shot up again and she looked surprised at his confession. “Yes, you were,” she shot back.

Minho plunged on afraid to lose her attention now that he had it.

“I was. I know I was. I never should have spoken to you that way, and I should never have made you leave in the middle of the night. My behavior was inexcusable.” He paused, clearing his throat. “You’ve come to mean a great deal to me in the few weeks we’ve been together. You’ve seen in weeks what it’s taken me years to see.” He took a step towards her and she neither advanced nor retreated. “There’s a lot you were right about, there’s a lot of things that I’ve messed up and a lot of people that I’ve hurt. I’m so sorry that you were one of those people. I can’t believe that you’d ever give me a second chance but I would at least like to ask for your forgiveness. I’m so very sorry Gwiboon.”

Gwiboon stared at him steadily as the words all tumbled out. Her face showed curiosity at his words and hesitation in believing them. She looked away before Minho could see more of her thoughts. 

“Jinki said I should give you another chance. He said you needed someone like me to keep you off balance, to bring something happy into your life. Said that was why he asked me to come to you in the first place. I don’t think I did a really good job of that though.” Hurt and doubt crossed her features. “I only ended up bringing more sadness.”

“That’s not true,” Minho took another step towards her, his movements slow. “You didn’t bring sadness, you brought life. Looking at you and realizing that I wasn’t living anything like _life_ was painful, yes, but you made me look beyond myself to the people who really need me. I saw light in you and I wanted to chase it for all it’s worth.” Another step and he was directly before her, their bodies so close he could feel their knuckles brush together. “Forgive me Gwiboon, please. I know I have a lot to work on but I want to do it right and do it with the people who are important to me.”

Moments passed with the two staring each other down.

“It’s a big step to admit all that. Since I know you’re not good with words to begin with,” she teased, “it makes me believe that you really mean it.”

“I do. Really I do.”

“Then I will accept your apology. You have my forgiveness.”

Minho wanted to scream and shout at the same time. It was an amazing burden lifted off him and he itched to run headlong into where he longed to go next with her but he was also afraid of scaring her away by speaking too soon. His mind raced for a middle ground. 

“What are you going to do now? Um, would you, ah, would you consider coming back to the house?” he asked. “For the kids,” he rushed to add.

Gwiboon head dropped and she looked at some uninteresting thing on the crafts table next to her. A small smile was on her lips, but it was sad and her eyes seemed wistful. She reached out and began twisting the corner wrapping of a chocopie the plastic crunch feeling much larger in the empty room than it should have been. The fingers of her left hand still flirted with his own as she dithered.

“I have been alone for so long I don’t know if I’m worth having, worth being in anyone’s life.” She looked up and he could see the vulnerability in her eyes. “I took this job because I wanted to know if family was something I really was missing out on, if family was something I wanted.” She chuckled and he didn’t understand the joke. “I was so gone on your kids from the first day! Taeminnie, sweet Junghee and practical Eunsook- even Minjung’s bad attitude didn’t deter me!” tears began gathering in her eyes and she swiped them away with her fingertips. “I fell for them. I wanted them. And then somehow- I fell for you too. I want you.”

Her confession hung in the air between them like the charm of pixie dust weaving its magic and weaving his heart to hers. His heart raced till he feared she could hear the frantic beating. Even in calm happy moments this woman was going to be the death of him.

“I think that should probably scare me more than it does,” Gwiboon continued. “But I couldn’t say no when Jinki said come.”

Minho entwined his fingers with Gwiboon’s and they both held on tight.

“I think I’m scared enough for the both of us right now. But,” he swallowed thickly, “I want you too. I want us. And I know that’s frightening as heck because we both have things that we have to deal with but we’ll work it out. We’ll figure it out. If you’re willing I am too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really”

“I am going to change. I want to be a man that’s worthy of being your man. That’s worthy of being loved by you because I want to love you for a long, long time.”

Gwiboon’s little gasp of anticipation thrilled him and made his own breaths shallow as he tried to remember to breathe. Gwiboon let go of his hands and slowly reached for his face. She ran her fingers down his jaw cupping his face with her left palm before sliding her right thumb across his bottom lip and Minho stopped breathing altogether. She licked her lips and spoke, voice suddenly hoarse and wanting.

“Kiss me. Please.”

He didn’t have to be told twice.

 

~~~  
Minjung, Junghee, Eunsook, and Taemin all crouched outside of the dressing room door jockeying for elbow room and trying to silence each other in turn as they watched their daddy and soon to be new mom kiss passionately.

“Why are they doing that?” Taemin whispered.

“It’s because they fell in love stupid,” Eunsook informed him matter-of-factly.

“It’s so cute!” squealed Junghee to Uncle Jinki who leaned against the hall wall turning a blind eye to their antics and let them go about their top-secret business.

Uncle Jinki just smirked at her.

“It’s about time,” groused Minjung towards her uncle. She leaned forward again to get another peek of the lovebirds and her face softened at the sight. She loved her daddy and she loved Gwiboon too and she was ready for them all to become a family together. “It’s about dang time.”

The Choi siblings all agreed.


End file.
